Depth
by girl-over-bored
Summary: When Kai gives up. When Kai feels as if beyblading isn't for him. When he's on the brink of suicide and self-destruction. This is what happens. Chapter 11 up! From The Author Who Wrote 'Dangerous Memories' (A Beyblade Fic Starring Kai)
1. Alone

GOB: I am in a really sad mood right now. I don't know why. I'm writing this to see if it can cheer me up. Please read and review like always. And tell me to continue if you don't want this to be a one shot.  
  
// thoughts \\  
  
" speech "  
  
/* memory *\  
  
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// Deep in thought... I seem to be doing that more than often. I should be happy, after all, I have my so-called freedom back. Yes, that's right, 'so- called'.  
  
I still feel that I should never have left, I was never truly happy, or felt that I belonged on the outside. Like that made any sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't belong here, surrounded by lights, and people. I have never felt well, safe here.  
  
I have always preferred the darkness over the light, including the dark of the alleys over the light of the streets, the dark of the coldness over the light of the feelings, and yes, I have always, and will always, prefer the dark of my mind, over the light of anyone else's.  
  
Many people believe, and I can not really blame them, for I would have thought the same, that my cold exterior is all due to the abbey, to my past, to my grandfather. They are all wrong. There has always been a part of me that seemed to be missing, and don't be a smart aleck. I have feelings, though I choose not to portray them. I don't know what is missing.  
  
I have felt like this for what seems to be an eternity. I don't know why I feel like this. Somedays I feel like I don't know anything... \\  
  
/* "Hey Kai! Kai? KAI!!!" Tyson screamed as Kai was suddenly propelled back into the real world, and out of the one he found himself searching for answers, answers to which he didn't know the questions, in. "What?" Kai asked, never bothering to look up, but continue to stare at the nothing which he found himself completely engulfed in. "What's with you lately? You've been zoning out all day long!" Tyson said, looking at the older boy quizzically. "Yeah," Max chimed in, "If something's wrong, maybe we could help?"  
  
Here Kai let out a short bitter laugh, to which Ray said, "Kai???" and Kenny started to shift his feet nervously. "Why don't you all just mind your own fucking business!"  
  
With that, he stood up, and walked out of the room, leaving the Bladebreakers shocked and even more concerned than before. Kai was Kai, but he had never been that harsh to them. *\  
  
// Why did I say that? I don't know why I say what I don't mean. But I do, and I hate it. I feel so helpless, so damn clueless.  
  
I know I should tell the Bladebreakers, but what would I say? Hey guys, guess what? Your team leader hates his life, it suicidal, doesn't have a clue what's going on in his life, past, present, and future! Hell I don't even know what's worth fighting for anymore!  
  
Yeah, like that would work. But it's all true. For as long as I can remember, I've been lie this. Stuck in the habit of living, when all I want to do is die. I just wish it was all over. No one would really notice if I left them. After all, it's not like I have ever done anything important in my life.  
  
The only good thing today is that all the others have left to go sightseeing. We're all here in Tokyo staying at a hotel, which of all places decided to invite our teams to stay there, though I can't figure out why the hell they would.  
  
I started keeping a journal since the abbey. I had a feeling that someday I would need the record. And it turns out I did. Not only did it provide the police with all the necessary information to get the abbey shut down for good, but these day's it's my only source of memories.  
  
I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm glad that no one has really noticed what's been going on. I have a bad feeling that one of them knows something's not right. But at least he's keeping his mouth shut.  
  
I don't know, maybe it's time to admit defeat. Beyblading isn't for me. Not anymore. I'm going to tell Dickinson that right now. The Bladebreakers deserve a better leader who could actually help them improve, not one that is never around. \\  
  
The blue orbs finished reading the last word on the piece of paper that seemed to have been hastily shoved into a book, only to have fallen out. Right. In. Kai's. Room. Kai's. Empty. Room.  
  
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GOB: Well there you go. Read and review. 


	2. Forsaken

GOB: LOL, I updated my other two fics, might as well update this one two!  
  
Kai: Why is it me? Why is it always me?  
  
GOB: Silly goose! It's because you're my favorite character!  
  
Kai: You did not just call me a silly goose...  
  
GOB: Whatever, here's the next chapter! And this is not a yaoi, I tried and failed writing one. This fic has nothing to do with romance. And the chapters are short, big deal. And I don't own beyblade, just this idea. I'm glad that you people think the whole "Kai doesn't feel like beyblading's his thing" thing.  
  
And the reason I'm using the character I'm using (who found the journal entry) is because he's my second favorite Bladebreaker, so don't ask me why, or try and get me to change it!  
  
And Jade, I updated especially for you! I owe you big time! And cheer up! It's really depressing when you're sad!  
  
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Kai stood at the airport, waiting for his flight to board. He remembered the talk with Mr. Dickinson. Surprisingly enough, the old man had not tried to keep Kai from leaving, he just seemed very...  
  
"No, like he would be sorry to see me go. All I have done is brought him trouble."  
  
Kai dismissed the thought that Mr. Dickinson was sorry to see him go the moment it entered his mind. He sat gazing out the window, his dark crimson eyes, shadowed by his hair. He was unaware of the happenings back at the hotel, and that a certain blonde, blue-eyed boy ad discovered his last journal entry, or that he had even left the entry behind in his rush to leave.  
  
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The bladebreakers were all going crazy, well almost all of them. Max just sat there shocked. He had never believed that Kai would ever think that, but there it was, written in Kai's handwriting. It scared Max. He had always thought that Kai was unstoppable, unbeatable, unhurting. Those were some of the qualities that made Max look up to Kai.  
  
The thing that really hit Max, the thing that shocked him, was the fact that Kai didn't feel like he knew what was worth fighting for. To Max, he had always known exactly what, and why, he did the things he did.  
  
"Hey guys!" Rei's voice suddenly blurted out, "Let's go see Mr. Dickinson, maybe he knows where Kai went?"  
  
The other's quickly agreed, and they ran off to see the old man. (GOB: I don't really like Mr. Dickinson, so he's not gonna be in this much. *Muses* maybe I'll kill him off...)  
  
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"Damnit," Kai muttered, "What is with all the fucking delays?" He sighed and resumed staring out the window. He didn't know why he was so angry at the delay. He guessed he just needed to get out of Japan as fast as possible.  
  
He wondered what his teammates were doing, but pushed the thought away. It just hurt to much. And he just couldn't take it, not anymore.  
  
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The Bladebreakers urged the taxi to go faster. Mr. Dickinson had told them Kai had gone to the airport, so they were rushing to try and stop him before he left.  
  
Once they got to the airport, the four of them split up to look for him. Rei went left, Tyson, right, Kenny went to the lower floor, and Max took the upper floor. Kai sat completely unaware his team, yes, his team, was racing around the airport, searching...  
  
For him...  
  
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Kai sighed as his plane finally started to board. As he made his way through the gate, he was vaguely aware of a familiar voice calling out his name. But once again, he brushed the thought off as a figment of his imagination.  
  
He boarded the plane and it soon left thereafter.  
  
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Max fell to the floor shaking. He had seen Kai just as Kai was about to board. He tried to call out to him, but Kai just didn't here, he just walked through the gate.  
  
Max tried to follow, tried to stop him, but to no avail. The airport people refused to let him through, bring Kai back, or stop the plane.  
  
All Max could do was watch as Kai's plane flew off.  
  
He had to get to Russia as fast as possible. That was were Kai was heading, so that was where he would go too.  
  
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GOB: Well? Tell me what you think? And check out my other fics!  
  
Max: ^_^ Yeah!  
  
GOB: Say it Maxie!  
  
Max: Read and Review ^_^ 


	3. Solitary

GOB: Hey people, I'm back. OH!!! AND THANK YOU FOR THE BISCUITS MASTERFRANNY!!! AND ESPECIALLY FOR THE PLUSHIE!!!!!!!! Kai?  
  
Kai: Here are the bloody thank you's.  
  
~*~ B Girl; Lychee Fairy(x2); DragonBlade(x2); Maeris(x2); Sakura9566; Syaoran-Lover; Epona2; MasterFranny ~*~  
  
GOB: 11 reviews for two chapters... not bad.  
  
Kai: Will you just shut up and start. No one cares about what you're writing here!  
  
GOB: FINE!!! I don't own beyblade, just the plot. And to clear things up, THIS HAS NO YAOI BETWEEN KAI/MAX AND NO ROMANCE PERIOD!!! If anything, it may end up as a Kai/Max friendship fic. I got tired of always reading fics where it was Ray/Rei who's the one who "becomes the closest friend to Kai" or sometimes even Tyson. *Sigh* The cute-adorable-sugar-high-blondie gets no recognition.... poor, poor Max...  
  
Max: *sniffs* Yeah, poor, poor me...  
  
Kai: Oh God, I have got to find better fics to be in... and better co-stars too...  
  
GOB/Max: Poor, poor Max/me...  
  
Kai: *walks away muttering about how someday he'll kill GOB for writing this fic and Dangerous Memories...*  
  
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~*~ Max's P.O.V. ~*~  
  
*~* What's Going Through His Mind As He Races To Find The Others, Get To Russia, And Find Kai *~*  
  
Damn it. Not there. Damn it. Not there. Damn it. Not there. Damn it. Not there. WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?????????  
  
Christ, I'm about to explode, I can't find Tyson, Kenny, or Rei ANYWHERE!!! We've got to get to Russia as fast as possible! I don't understand one thing, well a lot of things, but one thing in particular. Why? Why Russia? Why of all the damn places he could've gone, why did he choose Russia?  
  
I mean, wouldn't that just bring him even more pain. I may not be an expert of pain, after all, who would think that me, happy-go-lucky Max Mizuhura of the famous Bladebreakers ever felt sad in his life?  
  
But I have. About a lot of things. After my parents split up, and my Mom moved to America. I hardly ever saw her, or even heard from her. It really hurt when I found out she was part of the All Starz and had never told me. But more so the way she treated me, the fact she seemed so distant, as if I was just another beyblader to fight against, an enemy, an outsider....  
  
an outsider...  
  
an outsider...........  
  
AN OUTSIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oh my god... I never realized... Treating someone as an outsider is when you always ignore them, don't ask them their opinion on anything, or if you do, don't take it to heart, if you always notice the differences between each other. But treating someone like an outsider also means when you try to change them to fit what you call "normal".  
  
That was how we treated Kai.  
  
Not as another person in his own right, but as someone who needed to be molded, conformed, into our definition of "normal".  
  
He was right, we didn't understand...  
  
Hell, we didn't even try to..................  
  
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~*~ Kai's P.O.V. ~*~  
  
*~* On The Plane, What Kai Is Writing In His Journal *~*  
  
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. I should have just never left the freaking abbey. At least there I never had to worry about still feeling alive. I'm dead. As dead as can be. In the abbey, being dead was the only way to survive. But now, I'm trying to live when I've been dead for almost my whole life. I let the darkness surround me, and now, there is no escaping from the fortress in which I've locked myself into and thrown away the key.  
  
_____*_____ Never to be set free,  
  
_____*_____ Always to be bleeding red.  
  
_____*_____ Making sure that you can't see,  
  
_____*_____ These thought inside my pounding head.  
  
_____*_____ My soul is forever shrouded in darkness,  
  
_____*_____ My heart has become a block of stone.  
  
_____*_____ What little good I have is becoming less,  
  
_____*_____ I shall always be the one alone.  
  
*{*{*{ That poem was written by ME on the spur of the moment, so please tell me HONESTLY what you think. Thanks }*}*}*  
  
I am grateful about one thing though. I left before I could really hurt them. Leaving them for the Demolition Boys is nothing compared to the hurt and pain I know I'll cause them in the future. Because that is all I ever cause. Pain, destruction, those are what I truly am, none of the light within the dark. I am pure darkness. I am pure evil. I am my Grandfather's perfect weapon...  
  
And he knows it...  
  
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~*~ Rei's P.O.V. ~*~  
  
This is it. Okay Rei, deep breaths, in, out, in, out. Damn it. Who am I kidding? There is no way I can possibly be calm after everything that just happened here. I still can't believe Kai left. I mean, he's always been the unstoppable one, the unbeatable one, the unhurtable one.  
  
Or at least that's what I always thought. He always seemed to have an answer for everything, and always had the solution to our many problems. Yet he let us figure them out ourselves, with carefully placed hints. He helped us more than we ever realized. I guess it's true what they say; you never know how important someone is to you, until they're gone...  
  
I still remember how Kai always seemed to be watching us, grading us, and how much his... how much his acceptance, his approval, meant to us, or at least to me.  
  
Ever since the first time I met Kai, I respected him. Maybe it was because of his reputation, or because of his cold demeanor. Or maybe it was because of the confidence he had.  
  
Confidence.. Not a huge ego, or even arrogant. It was always confidence that had him say what he did. When he battled other bladers, and said that they would lose to him, in that calm, cold voice, it wasn't because he was being egotistical, it was because it was the truth. Chances were very high that they wouldn't beat him.  
  
But he always seemed to know when he would lose. I remembered that look of surprise, then frown, and then acceptance, right at the begging of the third match against Tyson when we all first met. He knew he was going to lose. I think he also knew he was going to lose against Johnny and Spencer too.  
  
There's just too much we don't know about him yet. It's strange to think, he knows a lot about us, probably more than we even realize. Yet we still hardly know anything about him. Not the abbey, or his Grandfather, but the important stuff. Like what his likes and dislikes are, what his favorite food is, what he likes to do in his spare time, anything that would classify us as true friends...  
  
True friends....  
  
This may sound crazy, but I don't think we're even good friends. We don't really share our problems, or at least he doesn't share them with us. How can we be friends when we can't talk about our problems with one another.  
  
Maybe Kai was right, maybe we aren't friends, maybe not just yet...  
  
But I'm willing to give it my all, just to go find him and try to become his friend. Because I respect him. He's a good person, just a very mysterious, good person. And I think we all realize that now.  
  
Now....  
  
More than ever...  
  
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~*~ Tyson's P.O.V. ~*~  
  
ARGH!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS PROBLEM??? FIRST, HE DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT US, THEN HE LEAVES US, THEN HE RETURNS, AND NOW HE LEAVES US AGAIN!!!!! I WISH HE NEVER CAME BACK!!!!! I WISH I NEVER MET THE SO-CALLED 'GREAT' KAI HIWATARI!!!!! SCREW HIM! HE DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT US, HE NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL!!!  
  
. ' . ' . ' . ' .  
  
. ' . ' . ' . ' . ' .  
  
. ' . ' . ' . ' . ' . ' .  
  
. ' . ' . ' . ' . ' . ' . ' .  
  
. ' . ' . ' . ' . ' . ' . ' . ' .  
  
Damn, who am I kidding? This was in no way his fault. He just played the cards that were dealt to him...  
  
And what lousy cards they are. But he still managed to achieve something more, something great. He kept fighting for what he wanted in life, not what his demented, megalomaniac of a Grandfather wanted. He became one of the fiercest, most talented, and yes, most respected bladers, and people, that the world has ever known.  
  
I guess that's why so many people look up to him. He's blood and flesh proof that you can achieve anything you set your mind to, no matter what the odds.  
  
I never admitted this to anyone, but I think I respect Kai more than any other person I've ever met. When I first met him, I thought he was all talk, no action, but he proved to me that not all punks are know-nothings. Heh, Kai would kill me twenty times over if he heard me call him a punk.  
  
But, it would be worth it...  
  
If he would come back and kill me, or yell at me, just once more, I would not complain at all. Just as long as he came back.  
  
I guess I owe him a lot. If he hadn't come and beat me back when we first met, I would never have trained so hard, never have gotten Dragoon, and never have gotten to where I am today.  
  
I'd be just another amateur beybalder with big dreams, and there are like what? A billion on Earth? Yeah, I owe him a lot.  
  
And that is why I'm going to help find him, and help him through this mess. Because that's what friends do for each other...  
  
And I finally think I'm ready to truly be one of his friends, the Great Kai Hiwatari's, no air quotations around the great at all this time...  
  
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~*~ Kenny's P.O.V. ~*~  
  
I...  
  
Can't...  
  
Believe...  
  
It...  
  
All this time, I always assumed that Kai was just cold and arrogant because he choose to be. Yet I was undeniably... wrong.  
  
About him, who he is, why he acts the way he does, and how he feels.  
  
I admit we were never very close, but deep down I admired his ingenuity. He manages to come up with strategies and tactics Dizzi and I, and no other computer, will ever think up. He always seemed to not care what was happening in the beydish and out, but now, I realize he was watching much more closely then I ever imagined.  
  
I always got irritated and frustrated with him for only pointing out the flaws in my designs, tactics and strategies, and how the others bladed. But now, I think I've discovered why.  
  
It was to help us, it was always to help us.  
  
What good is knowing how good a beyblade is, if you don't know the flaws. Even a single flaw could bring you to defeat, and that was what Kai was trying to teach us.  
  
He always got us to think on our own. He seldom spoke, but when he did, it was usually something which would help us out in the future, though we never realized, he was, no IS, the best team captain in the sport of beybalding.  
  
Not because he tells us what to do, how to blade, how to defeat and opponent and claim victory, but how to not need that. To be able to think on our own, be independent. Be strong.  
  
And that is why we need him...  
  
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~*~ Mr. Dickinson's P.O.V. ~*~  
  
I hope I did the right thing.  
  
Letting him go.  
  
I hope he will be okay.  
  
Letting the Bladebreakers know where he was headed may have been a mistake.  
  
I hope I did the right thing.  
  
Letting these doubts fill my head won't help.  
  
I hope... I just hope that he will be able to find peace.  
  
But the chances...  
  
Are not...  
  
Good..  
  
At all...  
  
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GOB: Damn, that took long.  
  
Kai: And once again you had to rely on Jade (Lychee Fairy) as a sounding board for your ideas, pathetic.  
  
GOB: Shut up Kai.  
  
Kai: I'd like you to see you try and make me!  
  
GOB: *takes out giant magical eraser and erases Kai's mouth* HA! I WIN! HAHAHA!!!  
  
Kai: *takes out giant magical pencil and draws on his mouth* LIKE HELL YOU DO!!!  
  
GOB: WAHHHHH!!! I DIDN"T WIN!!! *Keeps bawling*  
  
Max: If you review, GOB will feel like a winner and update again! So review! At least 5 reviews will get another update! 


	4. Deserted

GOB: ^_^ New Chapter! I just posted up chapter 24 of Dangerous Memories, and now I'm updating Depth, and then Dangerous Memories, and when I feel like it, my humor fic! YAY! And please check out the newest chapter to Dangerous Memories if you're a Kai fan, 'cause it's Kai, all Kai! ^_^  
  
Kai: Isn't this supposed to be an angst fic?  
  
GOB: ^_^ That's what I put in the genre, so yah. Why do you ask? ^_^  
  
Kai: Never mind.  
  
Secret-Service-Agent: If she owned Beyblade, there'd be a kazillion Secret- Service-Agent's guarding her, not just little old me keeping you from tearing her up alive for not updating in forever!  
  
GOB: OK, someone said how they didn't like how the last chapter was all P.O.V.'s. and I agree with them. I wanted to put more in that chapter, but it was already pretty long. So this chapter, and all the ones after (I hope) will be done in the same style as the first 2 chapters I wrote! If you have any questions, please ask! Only once in a while will I put all of their P.O.V.'s and call that a chapter. And if you want to know why the chapter titles are the way they are, read the author note at the end of this chapter! And you will find out soon, if not in this chapter, why Russia was the chosen destination of Hiwatari Kai, and just how deep the bonds of friendship can really run...  
  
(I just loved that, it was soooooo dramatic ^_^)  
  
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THANK YOUS:  
  
~*Lychee Fairy ~*Dragonblade ~*Hiwatari-gurl ~*TYDYE girl ~*pokeralice ~*Bluefly7 ~*Syaoran-Lover ~*FireFoxKazumi ~*RandomFan ~*Maeris ~*Child of the Stars  
  
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Kai sighed, he had been trying to get some sleep since the plane took off, but it was now painfully obvious that it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't meant to be, just like it wasn't meant for him to remain with the Bladebreakers. He hated the thought of them being sad, hurt, or in pain, because of him.  
  
He had already caused enough people pain. By ignoring them, pretending to hate them... leaving them...  
  
There was only one person left that Kai could trust.  
  
And it was to him where Kai was going.  
  
Back to Russia,  
  
back to the terror,  
  
back to where it all began...  
  
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"Airplane for Japan Airlines Flight 124 to Moscow, Russia, now boarding at Gate 12. That's Japan Airlines Flight 124 to Moscow, Russia..." The crackling voice over the airport terminal's intercom snapped the Bladebreakers, or what was left of the Bladebreakers, out of their thoughts.  
  
Just by glancing around at the others' faces, Max could tell that they were all thinking about what had happened, about Kai. He was positive that by now, they had all realized just how important the quiet, strong, cold blader was to their team, to them.  
  
"Come on guys, let's go," Rei said quietly, taking charge, as it was painfully obvious that none of them wanted to be the one to take Kai's role of leadership, "That's our flight."  
  
No one moved, though. No one wanted to be jerked out of their thoughts, just as they were beginning to realize the value of what they all had just abruptly lost. But they were now, more than ever, determined to find him.  
  
Even if they had to search through ever square centimeter (1 inch = 2.5 centimeters for you United States of Americans {Canadian's are technically Americans too, North Americans}) of Moscow to find him.  
  
After all, what's lost is usually found...  
  
But then again...  
  
Not... everything... is found again.  
  
Some things just disappear for good.  
  
And it's only then you realize how damn important it was, even if it was something you always thought you could do...  
  
Without...  
  
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Kai glanced around him. Most of the other people on the airplane were asleep or watching the movie. Kai looked at the movie screen. It was some tired old film about two people on a mission to save the world. One was a complete idiot, the other was one of those so-called 'beautiful' people, those oh-so-perfect people that could made you so damn sick.  
  
He sighed and once again, pulled out his journal. He was seriously depressed.  
  
He took out a pen, he absolutely detested pencils, and began to write. No one really noticed that the young teen, sitting all alone, writing in his book, was filled with pain.  
  
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Rei sighed, then repeated, though this time pulling up Tyson and Kenny as he rose, "Come on guys, that's our flight. Time to go."  
  
The others rose reluctantly, before Max suddenly said,  
  
"The sooner we get to Moscow, the sooner we can find Kai, the sooner we can get him to re-join the Bladebreakers, the sooner we leave Russia, the sooner things can go back to normal."  
  
The moment those words left his mouth, he began to run to the boarding gate. The others paused for a moment, then followed Max's lead. Past 9, 10, 11, then finally reaching their gate, Gate number 12. They quietly entered the airplane, each quickly drifting back into their own private, worry- filled, thoughts...  
  
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{*"* What Kai's Writing In His Journal *"*}  
  
Stupid world.  
  
Stupid Life.  
  
I wish I was dead.  
  
Screw that, I wish everyone else was dead. That way I wouldn't have to worry about letting someone down, hurting someone, not being good enough for someone.  
  
I wish I never met 'someone'.  
  
*---------------------* I can't keep going on,  
  
*---------------------* I'll never be good enough for you.  
  
*---------------------* I don't understand what's going on,  
  
*---------------------* Not even a single clue.  
  
*---------------------* Giving in is all that's left,  
  
*---------------------* All that's left for me,  
  
*---------------------* I wish that you would open your eyes,  
  
*---------------------* And that you would actually see.  
  
*---------------------* I'm dead, dead as can be,  
  
*---------------------* Deader than anything before.  
  
*---------------------* To you and everyone else,  
  
*---------------------* You'll never realize what's in store...  
  
*---------------------* For someone as messed up, as me.  
  
(* Another poem written by me on the spot. Please tell me what you think!*)  
  
I don't know what I am going to say to him. I e-mailed him to let him know I'm coming, and where I'm staying. That was it. I didn't tell him why I was coming, or anything other than when I was coming, and where I was staying.  
  
He wrote back telling me he'd meet me at the airport, and that he wouldn't tell anyone else I was there. I don't really know why we're still friends, especially after everything that happened.  
  
Maybe it's because, believe it or not, we've been through worse. But we always managed to pull each other through all the pain and misery, probably because we knew no one else would.  
  
//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//-- /-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//  
  
Sitting in the front of the plane, so they could get out as fast as possible, were the four remaining Bladebreakers, each one doing what they could to pass the time.  
  
Kenny sat with Dizzi open on his lap, researching all the areas they thought Kai would probably go to.  
  
Tyson sat with his headphones on, trying to lose himself in the movie.  
  
Rei sat listening to music, while drumming his fingers impatiently against the armrest.  
  
Max just sat there. Staring out the window. And staring. And staring.  
  
They were all impatiently awaiting the plane's arrival in Moscow, and more importantly, they were all drifting into a pit of bottomless blame. A pit of bottomless self-blame. Each thought that they were to blame, for Kai's departure.  
  
None of them were willing to try and speak. They knew that it would just lead to more hurt.  
  
It was better to just go find their captain, and try to bring him back. Back to where he belonged.  
  
Or at least...  
  
Where they thought he belonged.  
  
//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//-- /-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//  
  
"Hello? This is Stanley Dickinson. I was wondering if you had any information as to where a Hiwatari Kai might be staying in Moscow."  
  
"Oh no! There's no problem. I just seemed to have misplaced the information he gave me before the trip. The Bladebreakers were due for a vacation."  
  
"Oh, I see. That is very all right. I'll just check with the other Bladebreakers, though I due hate to bother them."  
  
"OK, thank you anyway. Good bye."  
  
Stanley Dickinson hung up the phone. It seemed no one knew where Kai was staying, or if they did, they kept the information to themselves. He was extremely worried about Kai, but it would do no good to alert the world about his disappearance.  
  
Knowing how many fans Kai had, it could create quite an uproar. Besides, he knew that he had a better chance of bringing Kai back without all the media fuss.  
  
Kai never did like all that extravagance...  
  
//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//-- /-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//  
  
"Please store your trays in an upright position and prepare for landing..."  
  
Kai sighed. It was about time. He got his carry-on bag and slowly made his way out the plane, and into the airport terminal. He glanced around, and not seeing him, made his way to the baggage claim carousel.  
  
"Don't bother, I already got your bags."  
  
Kai turned around and said one word,  
  
"Tala."  
  
//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//-- /-//--/-//--/-//--/-//--/-//  
  
GOB: Well? What do you think? And Yes Tala as in Demolition Boy Tala. I can't help it if I like him too. He, Kai, and Max are all co-starring in this fic!  
  
Kai: Hn.  
  
Tala: Whatever.  
  
Max: YAY! ^_^  
  
GOB: How the hell am I going to make this fic make sense with these three???  
  
Kai: Just get on with.  
  
GOB: Fine. Okay. The reason the chapters are all named what they are is because I looked up 'alone' in the Thesaurus, and came up with 'solitary', 'Forsaken', ect. They fir the story, and sound cool. There.  
  
Secret-Service-Agent: Review now please! *Hold up gun and smirks maliciously* Or else! 


	5. Abandoned

GOB: WHEE!!!!!!!! I GOT 27 REVIEWS!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! OK, HERE ARE THE THANKS YOUS!  
  
*Maeris *DragonBlade *Syaoran-Lover *Lychee Fairy *Hiwatari-Gurl  
  
GOB: OK people, I have a few VERY IMPORTANT NOTES to make.  
  
1) There will always be at least one poem in each chapter, written by me, so DON'T COPY IT!!!!!!!! I recently found out that the poem I wrote in chapter 3 was plagiarized. That hurts a lot, since writing poems is something I love to do and watching someone steal my stuff away from me, really kills. If this happens again I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER UPDATE DEPTH OR DANGEROUS MEMORIES EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
2) If you don't understand a part of a poem or a part of the story, please ask. I know my fic is confusing.  
  
3) I've been wondering if you people want a happy ending or a sad one, or if you want me to do both, and make it your choice weather to read the happy or sad ending, or even both.  
  
4) Exams are starting up so updates will be scarce, okay more scarce than already, until all my fucking exams are over.  
  
5) I need to ask for some help. If anyone has any ideas for what Kai should go through in Russia, please let me know via review or e-mail. I already have a few ideas, but I need more.  
  
Kai: If your done, start the fic. If your not, I don't give a damn. Start the fic.  
  
GOB: *sticks tongue out at Kai* Fine, fine. OK, I don't own Beyblade, but I do own this fic, AND MY POEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
-*\ The Bladebreakers /*-  
  
"Hey Rei." Max said softly, so as not to wake up Tyson or Kenny. The two had fallen asleep. Max didn't blame them. None of them had gotten any rest after Kai's sudden departure. He was exhausted as they were, but just couldn't fall asleep.  
  
"What is it Max?" Rei asked, equally quiet. He tried to keep as calm and composed as possible. He kept thinking of what Kai would do in this situation. The thing was, he didn't think it would have happened with Kai around.  
  
He remembered when he left the Bladebreakers. (A/N: This next part is made up. Some parts of this fic will be so live with it.) He had run into Kai after talking to Mr. Dickinson about leaving.  
  
_*\ F l A s H- b A c K /*_  
  
Rei quickly walked out of Mr. Dickinson's office. He had done it. He had quit the Bladebreakers. He quickly walked out, keeping his head down, as if to hide the pain in his eyes. He knew he was of no use to his friends without Drigger. Drigger... Rei couldn't believe he had lost his bitbeast.  
  
As Rei ran through all his thoughts, he also ran into someone. He just proceeded to walk away, until a voice cut him off.  
  
"Leaving are you. I can't say I'm surprised."  
  
Rei spun around to meet face to face with Kai. Rei swore softly under his breath and then began stammering excuses.  
  
"You better hurry, Kenny and the others will be up soon. Max and Tyson will definitely follow you, and find you eventually."  
  
"But Kai, I..."  
  
"Listen to me Rei," Kai ordered in his calm, cool, collected voice, "Leave. Only you can choose when and why you will return. If you do at all."  
  
Rei stood there stunned. Kai was actually LETTING him leave??? As Kai slowly walked away, he stopped, and said,  
  
"Even without Drigger..."  
  
And then disappeared in the early morning mist.  
  
_*\ E n D f L a S h - B a C k /*_  
  
And he had left. The more Rei thought about it, the more he realized it. It was mostly due to Kai he had left, he had let Max and Tyson find him, that he had come back... without Drigger.  
  
Because, though Rei never realized it until now. That was what Kai had meant all along.  
  
He knew Rei would come back. He knew Rei would come back without Drigger.  
  
He knew that letting Rei leave to clear his head would be best for him, and everyone else.  
  
He knew...  
  
-*\ Kai and now Tala /*_  
  
"Hello... Kai" Tala said softly, looking his old enemy, and even older friend, in the face.  
  
Both boys just stood there looking at each other, before walking slowly out of the airport, making their way to Tala's car. (A/N: Yes, they can drive. I just can't write a fic with them to young to drive. Live with it.)  
  
As Tala pulled out of his parking place, he noticed Kai pulling out his CD player journal, and a pen. Then begin to write.  
  
"He still keeps a journal..." Tala thought, before concentrating on his driving, though letting a few stray thoughts pass through his mind.  
  
"Well," Max said, thoughtfully, "What if we don't find Kai? What if we do find him, and he doesn't want to come back? What if -"  
  
Here Max was cut off by Rei, "Don't say that Max." He sighed, and gazed out the window, "We have to believe that we'll find him and that he'll come back, and that we'll be able to help him, and bring things back o normal. Or else, it'll never happen."  
  
"I guess so..." Max murmured softly.  
  
"Rei is right Max, we can't stop believing." Kenny said chirpily as he woke up.  
  
"Yeah!" Tyson shouted happily... causing everyone on the plane to look at him.  
  
"HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN ANYONE EXCITED BEFORE????? GO BACK TO YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!" Tyson yelled, causing his friends to groan, and hide their faces.  
  
Even though they were all joking around, they were all still extremely worried about Kai...  
  
^*) Kai's Journal Entry (*^  
  
(A/N: This poem is slightly less dark. But it's still pretty sad and cynical.)  
  
I'm here in Russia.  
  
I still don't know why I came here. Maybe because Tala is the only one who could ever comprehend what I'm going through. And just my luck, he just had to be in Russia.  
  
Tala's always been the only one to ever have been able to see straight though me. Whenever I was sad, planning something, or just depressed, he always knew.  
  
Even when I was dying (A/N: Figuratively, not literally!), and refused to let anyone see or help me, mostly because I couldn't trust anyone, he still came and helped me.  
  
Tala's always been the only one I can trust...  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- My pain is beginning to destroy me.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Always hiding who I really want to be.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I pretend and act like I'm perfectly fine.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- But you seem to notice my one true sign.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I'm hurt and broken because of it all.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Each duty, responsibility and call.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Everyone asking me to be something I'm not.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I'm scared, yes scared, of being caught.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Being seen not like you want me to.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Beating myself on the inside, black and blue.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Escape is the one thing I truly need.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Because all I want is to be freed.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I fall to the ground, weak and helpless.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- You save me, bringing life to the lifeless.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- For that I will trust you 'till the end.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- You're the only one I can truly call, a friend.  
  
No matter how hard I try to block everyone out, to be completely alone...  
  
I know I'll never be. Because there is someone out there who I can completely trust.  
  
^(* Max's Journal *)^  
  
(A/N: I'm going to have Max start a journal and start showing parts of Tala's journal. But only every two or three chapters for Max and three or four chapters for Tala. Kai's will continue being in every chapter. Any poems shown in Max's or Tala's journal are NOT 'written' by them. They are there to show a little bit of insight on their feelings. The one's in Kai's journal ARE 'written' by him. The poem's in Max's and Tala's journals will be spread out through the journal entry and then I'll bring them together at the end. They will be separated from the real journal entry by ************)  
  
Well, here I go. I decided to start a journal. Kai used, or I guess still uses, his journal to help him sort out his thoughts. So I thought I'd use mine to do the same.  
  
I don't really want to write about everything that's happened these past few days. So I won't.  
  
Damn, I can't believe it! I only wrote a few sentences and none of them are important, but I already feel a bit better!  
  
Everyone always thinks I have the perfect life, mostly because I'm always so happy.  
  
************  
  
Decepting the darkness within my mind,  
  
Pretending that light is all that I find,  
  
************  
  
In all complete honesty, I'd say I am pretty depressed. I always cover up my sad, depressed feelings and thoughts with smiles, laughs and jokes. But within my outward appearance, I'm a mass of nerves and worries.  
  
************  
  
I smile; I laugh; I joke around,  
  
But in my joyful appearance is found,  
  
************  
  
I don't like worrying my friends. They all have their own problems, they don't need mine. Their problems are usually more important than mine. I mean, look at Kai! His problems are a hundred times worse!  
  
************  
  
The sorrows and worries which hurt me so,  
  
I looks so up; but I feel so low,  
  
************  
  
I usually spend a little time just letting it out at night. And if you must know how. I cry.  
  
Yes I cry. Yes guys can cry.  
  
I don't really care about that anymore, I guess this journal thing really works!  
  
************  
  
I laugh during the day; and cry at night,  
  
I want to give in; I don't want to fight.  
  
************  
  
Well, that's all for now!  
  
Signed,  
Max  
  
(A/N: OK here is the poem in full.  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Decepting the darkness within my mind,  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- Pretending that light is all that I find,  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I smile; I laugh; I joke around,  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- But in my joyful appearance is found,  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- The sorrows and worries which hurt me so,  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I looks so up; but I feel so low,  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I laugh during the day; and cry at night,  
  
¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§-¤-±-§- I want to give in; I don't want to fight.  
  
"We're here." Tala said softly, pulling into the hotel parking lot. He glanced at Kai, and said, "Let's go get you checked in."  
  
"Yeah." Kai said softly, then hesitated. He spoke again, more slowly and more softly than before,  
  
"Then we can talk..."  
  
Tala looked surprised. He knew it had to be very important if Kai wanted to talk about it...  
  
GOB: Chapter 5 done! YAY! And remember people,  
  
IF YOU EVEN COPY ONE LINE OF ANY OF MY POEMS I WILL NEVER UPDATE DEPTH OR DANGEROUS MEMORIES AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Now , review please! 


	6. Desolate

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
GOB: New chapter... just out of curiosity, how many of you people actually think I'm going to finish this fic?  
  
Kai: Not me.  
  
Max: Not me!  
  
Tala: Not me.  
  
GOB: *_* Bah, I WILL FINISH!!!!!!! Well, here are the thank yous!  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
*~Dragonblade *~Hiwatari-gurl *~Syaoran-Lover *~Alia  
  
*~Dawn35 *~Masterfranny *~Lychee Fairy *~Maeris  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
GOB: Thank you everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and I still need some ideas for what Kai should do while he's in Russia! And...  
  
1) I want to know if you want Kai to stay in Russia, or have him and Tala move around the world, trying to avoid the Bladebreakers?  
  
2) Should I have a lot of beyblading, a little, or none in this fic?  
  
3) Should I add any other Demolition Boys, or any other character from Beyblade into my fic, as in a big part, only a little smaller than Tala's?  
  
Thank you, and only when I get at least 5 people who ANSWER these questions in a review will I update! Oh, and please, please, please check out our (me and Lychee Fairy) new fic, called Bladebreakers On Strike!!! Pretty please with a Kai plushie on top???  
  
On with the fic, I've done enough talking (writing? TYPING???) for now.... so, go on with you, read already, leave me alone!!! BE GONE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
The Bladebreakers were all awoken (except for Max who stayed awake the whole flight... insomnia anyone???) by the pilot's grainy voice over the intercom,  
  
"PLEASE BRACE YOURSELVES AS WE ARE GOING TO BE RUNNING INTO SOME UNEXPECTED TURBULENCE ON OUR LANDING."  
  
Max groaned. He hated flying... it wasn't that he was scared of flying. It was because Ray was.  
  
"I'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNAD IEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNA DIEI'MGONNADIE..." Rei said, while gripping his armrests so hard, they looked like they would snap off any moment... kinda like the way Max thought Rei's mind would just snap on a trans-continental, non-stop flight, if he got a window seat and saw all the water below him..  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
GOB: Just to let you know, Rei's saying, I'm GONNA DIE over and over again!  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"Rei, calm down!" Kenny said, running a hand through his messy, brown hair, "You are NOT going to die!"  
  
"OH YEAH!!!" Rei fairly yelled, " THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD THE PEOPLE ON THE TITANIC, AND GUESS WHAT? IT WASN'T TRUE!!!"  
  
Max, Tyson, and Kenny sweatdropped. The only time a person on the Bladebreakers could embarrass them more than Tyson, was when Rei was on a plane.  
  
The plane finally landed, and the impatient Bladebreakers made their way to the terminal to locate the reason they traveled all that way...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
To find Kai. Their Captain, Leader................. and friend.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"Let's go." Tala said as he turned off his car. Kai just nodded and grabbed his stuff. As he was doing so, he dropped his CD player, and Tala could here what Kai was listening to.  
  
Tala froze, looked at Kai then... burst... out... laughing....  
  
Kai looked at Tala, shook his head, and walked away muttering, "What's wrong with listening to Good Charlotte's, The Young And The Hopeless?"  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"This is not happening..." Tyson said, standing at the baggage carousel. He had watched all the baggage go by at least five times, but not a single bag belonging to him had shown up.  
  
Max sighed, "Who up there is against us??? Why the hell do all these delays keep happening right when we're so close to reaching Kai??? It's just not fair!" He didn't realize he said that out loud, until Rei answered, with a slightly depressed, "Yeah."  
  
"Come on guys," Kenny said, rubbing his eyes (goggles? Glasses???) in tiredness, "We should go to our hotel, check in, and then get some rest."  
  
Tyson sighed, and responded, "After we're all rested, we can look for Kai. Now, let's go. Stupid airplane people lost my stuff!"  
  
The others all heartily agreed. They were all outside hailing a taxi-cab, when a thought suddenly struck Max with such force, that he let out a strangled cry.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Tala and Kai got the keys to their hotel room (Two rooms, a kitchen, living room, ect.) and threw their stuff in the room.  
  
Tala had decided to stay with Kai in the hotel, instead of staying at the abbey. After the world championships, the abbey had now gone under BBA and government control. The kids were allowed to stay their and continue training, but only under the rules and regulations that were not being put in place. They were all free to go whenever they wished, but surprisingly, most of the people had decided to stay.  
  
They preferred to stay because the abbey, as horrible as it was, had become their home, and they were to used to seeing each other every day to let it all slip away. But Tala and Kai knew the real reason.  
  
Most of them didn't have anywhere else to go.  
  
Voltaire and Boris had made sure of that.  
  
And Tala and Kai were two of the many that Boris and Voltaire had made sure that the abbey was all they had.  
  
Tala could still remember the horror of finding his mother and grandmother (his father had died long ago) dead as he returned from a small school beyblading tournament, in which he placed second. Kai had, of course, placed first.  
  
He still hated to think of how it had happened. At first he had no idea that it was Boris and Voltaire who had orchestrated the murder of his family. If he had known, he would never, never, have allowed himself to be taken to the abbey, and become a Biovolt puppet.  
  
"Hello? Earth to Tala! Please send some sign of me getting through to you, before I let my fist go through you!" Kai said, waving his hand in front of Tala's face. Tala's eyes snapped open, and he grinned sheepishly,  
  
"Sorry, guess I kind of zoned out there..." Kai shrugged, and let his eyes drift over to the window sill. He watched the clouds lazily drift by, turning gold, red, and pink with the sun's last rays.  
  
"Let's talk after we get something to eat." Tala suggested, trying to break the awkward silence. Kai looked at Tala, and replied,  
  
"I'm not really all that hungry."  
  
"Oh, me neither." Tala said jovially.  
  
Kai gave him a blank stare, "Then why did you suggest that?"  
  
Tala shrugged and yawned, "Well, I'm hitting the sack. That is, unless you want to talk now?"  
  
Kai smiled slightly (very slightly), and said while exiting Tala's room, "No. We'll talk in the morning. We could both use a little rest."  
  
Tala nodded, and leaned back. He wished he could help Kai, but he knew that Kai was the type of person who, no matter how hard you tried, couldn't help if he thought that you would be at all, even if only a tiny bit, uncomfortable or in danger, because of his problems.  
  
He hated putting others in danger, or making them feel pain because of him. Kai was like that.  
  
"Always has, always been, and always will be..." Tala murmured thoughtfully to himself, before drifting off.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Kai walked into his room, turned on the light, and shut the door tightly behind him. He then lay on his bed, and just sat there for a little while, letting his mind wander.  
  
He sighed, and reached onto the night stand next to his bed. He opened up the little drawer and took out his journal, from where he had previously put it. He also reached into his pocket and pulled out his pen.  
  
He studied his pen for a moment. It was dark obsidian. With red and blue flames licking down towards the writing part. Along the little pocket clip, was written, in deep, bloody crimson, "Frozen Phoenix". It had been a gift from his parents when Kai was a very young child. He could hardly remember his parents, as Voltaire had made sure Kai did not come in contact with anything that could remind him about his parents.  
  
He shook his head slightly, as if to banish the thoughts of his parents from his mind, and opened the pen, and the opened the journal, and began to write.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
~^* Kai's Journal *^~  
  
I'm tired. So damn tired.  
  
I want to run away. I want to hide. I just want to leave, without saying good bye, without letting anyone know, just disappearing like the soft, morning mist.  
  
All my talk of taking action, ha, like I could ever truly take action. I am lost. I am lost, confused, troubled, messed up. But most of all, I'm closed in, alone, without any hope of ever breaking free.  
  
The thing I'm running from has nothing to do with anything. All I'm running from is.......................................................................... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ......................................................  
  
myself....  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ Tired of nothing, darkness overwhelms me.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ The void overtaketh, emptiness reigns free.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ My soul has lost its glimmer of life.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ To the world's illuminating strife.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ Spectacular works never will again be seen.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ Sadness only an emotion that makes me mean.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ The dark portal to my mind is shadowed by hate.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ The only feeling I received, the emotion of fate.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ My life has no meaning, neither do my works.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ Few months I give until my memory time corks.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ I have no legacy, I have no further cause.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ My time has stopped, my life is on pause.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ Why can't I move forward, why can't I start.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ I've lost it all, I've lost my soul and my heart.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ Did you ever care for this dying body you see?  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ Why wouldn't you stop or ever help me?  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ My friends have forsaken me, for they know not.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ My parents deceived me, they leave me to rot.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ My truth is all but gone now, my heart is cold as stone.  
  
~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~^*)(*^~ I lay here in fetal pose, now I fell truly alone.  
  
I just want to let my mind open. I want to stop keeping it all inside me.  
  
It hurts. Every breathe I take, every time I open my eyes, every single, bloody time my heart beats, I feel full of pain.  
  
All the lessons I was taught were never true. But still, it is all my fault. Everyone knows it, I know it, and I accept my punishment.  
  
But I am weak. I can't take it. I'm guilty of everything, I know that, I don't deny it.  
  
But I am weak. I wanted to run away, to die alone.  
  
But I made a promise all those years ago.  
  
And I have never, NEVER, broken a promise. And I'm not about to start now.  
  
I need one good quality to keep me going.  
  
Besides, I would never break a promise I made to Tala.  
  
Just like he has never broken a promise, he made to,  
me.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
"Max!!! What's wrong???" Tyson gasped, surprised and worried by his friends sudden outburst.  
  
Max stood still for a moment shaking, before asking in a small, meek, worried voice, "It's nothing really important... but guys.......... what are we......... going to............. SAY............... to Kai. I... I have no idea how we are supposed to understand what he's going through... when... we never...... never..... understood.......... before......"  
  
The others stood shocked...  
  
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Max... was right!  
  
.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
GOB: Well? Sorry it took forever, but school got in the way... bah.  
  
Max: SHEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
GOB: Umm, no, that was me...  
  
Max: SSSSHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!  
  
GOB: Umm, while I calm down Max, please read and review!  
  
V  
  
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	7. Apart

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
GOB: I'm back.  
  
Kai: Hn. You don't seem so thrilled about it, why? Not that I care or anything...  
  
GOB: I'm just going through a really tough time right now. I don't really want to talk about it...  
  
Kai: *frown* OK then. GOB doesn't own Beyblade.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
Thanks You's:  
  
*^~ Kaiswings: Thank you! Especially for actually ANSWERING my questions! And I will make them move around a bit, but not to much, cause that would be hard...  
  
*^~ MasterFranny: YAY! I'm glad you liked that chapter!  
  
*^~ Hiwatari-Gurl: Your friend should think you're crazy! YOU ARE! LMAO! Well, here's the next update!  
  
*^~ Dragonblade: I don't know where sheep is, do you? BAH! S-BAH! And sorry, but they'll be moving around A BIT, but they'll end up heading back to Russia!  
  
*^~ False-Image: YAY! You like fic! Glad you liked my poems!  
  
*^~ Kawii Angel: This update soon enough? I know it takes me a while to update, so I'm really sorry!  
  
*^~ Lychee Fairy: Yay! I know I can always count on you (for more than just reviews!) and I really appreciate it ! HUGS!!!!!!!  
  
*^~ Wateva: Glad you like my fic! Glad you like my stories! GLAD YOU LIKE STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*^~ Demon's-gurl: Well, here's the next chapter, so now you know what happens next!  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
GOB: Wow, 44 reviews for just 6 chapters... That's a lot...  
  
Kai: Yeah, I thought you'd only get... none, actually.  
  
GOB: Meanie...  
  
Kai: That's it. Meanie? What kind of comeback is THAT?  
  
GOB: Leave me alone...  
  
Kai: *frowns*  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
"Shit shit shit shit shit..." Rei muttered, "WHY CAN'T THINGS EVER GO RIGHT FOR US???"  
  
"Calm down Rei. We all feel frustrated right now," Kenny said, running a hand through his messy brown hair, "We just have to hope that our sincerity will let us get through to Kai, or maybe even vice versa."  
  
"Yeah!," Max said, trying to be enthusiastic, "Who knows? Maybe Kai'll get so pissed off with us, he'll explode, telling us what's been bothering him!"  
  
The others all looked at him, and then, couldn't help laughing, though their laughs were tinted with misery.  
  
"Come on you guys," Rei said, calming down, "Let's go."  
  
"Umm, Rei?" Max asked, glancing around.  
  
"Yah?"  
  
"Where did Tyson go?"  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
^* Somewhere Else In The Airport *^  
  
"HI!!! MY NAME IS TYSON!!! HAVE YOU SEEN A GUY NAMED KAI??? TWO TONED BLUE HAIR? WHITE SCARF? CRIMSON EYES? RED ARM GUARDS? COLD PERSONALITY???????"  
  
Yah. Tyson is a complete idiot...  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
*^* Back To The Guys That Really Matter ^_^ *^*  
  
"Kai?" Tala asked quietly, while entering the room. He never bothered knocking. Back in the abbey, he and Kai always just barged into each others room, not really caring about 'privacy'. After all, they were in the abbey. Boris and Voltaire made sure to know what was going on all the time.  
  
"Maybe they tried, but come on. Like they EVER knew what we were REALLY up to." Kai said smirking, leaning against the railing on the balcony. Tala shivered slightly as the cool, evening wind blew through the open doors of the balcony.  
  
"How the hell..." Tala muttered, walking towards Kai, wondering how Kai knew what he was thinking.  
  
"I've known you too damn long..." Kai replied, "I still can't tell if that's a good thing... or an extremely bad thing!"  
  
"Shut up Blue Boy."  
  
"Make me Red."  
  
In response, Tala stuck out his tongue.  
  
"Real mature Ivanov!"  
  
"Aren't I?"  
  
"What do you want? You can't have just come here to act like an idiot... or Ian... Or Tyson..."  
  
Tala glared at Kai, then his expression sobered. He sighed and gazed up at the stars. And gasped.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
"But guys! Those people may have seen Kai!!!!!" Tyson wailed as Rei and Max dragged him to the waiting taxi. Kenny was waiting there, with a slight sweatdrop, thinking,  
  
"I bet Kai could get him to stop whining and grow up..."  
  
"Let Me Go!!!" Tyson wailed, trying to escape the grip of his captors.  
  
"He always could..." Kenny added, as an afterthought.  
  
"Hey Tyson!" Max said, struggling with holding onto the bluenettes arm.  
  
"What?" Tyson stopped stock still, causing Max and Rei to nearly trip, and looked at Max with questioning eyes.  
  
"Ever thought of the fact that THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU???? THEY'RE RUSSIAN! THEY SPEAK RUSSIAN!!!!!! BBBBBBBAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!! *Pant* *Pant*" Max exploded.  
  
"Geez Maxie. Lighten up! Stop being such a ... such a... such a... WAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Tyson started light heartedly, but ended up crying.  
  
"Tyson! What's wrong? If I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry!" Max said worriedly. They didn't need another team member leaving. Heck, they needed all their power and more if they were going to get Kai back!  
  
"*Sniff* No, you didn't *sniff* hurt my feelings Max *sniff*, I just *sniff* remembered *sniff* THAT'S WHAT I USED TO SAY TO Kai!!! WAHHHHH!"  
  
Tyson wailed at the memory, and at the thought he could never tell Kai to lighten up again, never to call him such a wet blanket, never to annoy him again! It was more than he could bare.  
  
"Oh Tyson..." Max said dejectedly, as he, Rei, Kenny, and Tyson, entered the waiting (though none to patiently) taxi cab, and gave the directions to the cab driver, who, through some stroke of luck (the first bit of luck the Bladebreakers, what was left of them, had experienced since Kai disappeared), spoke and understood Japanese.  
  
They drove through the streets of Moscow, looking out the window at the sights.  
  
But what they were really looking for...  
  
was a sight of Kai.  
  
Until then, all they could do was search.  
  
All they could ever do was search.  
  
They never really could talk to him.  
  
Or find him, for that matter.  
  
But this time...  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
It would be different.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
"What?" Kai asked Tala, who responded, some what awed,  
  
"I didn't realize what a clear night it was. There're so many stars out..."  
  
Kai smiled slightly, and answered with an,  
  
"I'm not standing here because I want to freeze my ass off, you know."  
  
Tala smirked, and both boys fell silent. Sensing that Kai really needed some time alone, Tala silently slipped away, leaving Kai to the night sky, and bright stars.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
*^ Tala's P.O.V. ^*  
  
(GOB: I know, I know. But believe me! This P.O.V. is important!!! Kai: Yeah right, you just can't think of any better way of writing this part! GOB: Bah... Max: Sheep? Sheep back???)  
  
Man... Sometimes, life really bites. I want to help Kai, I just.. I just don't know how! Some kind of friend I am. Kai was always there for me. I remember, back at the abbey, whenever anyone needed help, Kai was the one we always went to. And with his quick thinking, and ingenious plans, he was always able to make us feel better, or help us out with our problems.  
  
Come to think of it... I don't think anyone ever helped Kai out with a problem, or even knew if he was feeling hurt, or sad... he never liked 'burdening' us, as he put it, with his problems.  
  
But... I always knew...  
  
I don't know how I did, but it seemed like I could always tell when Kai was upset. I'm immensely glad about that, though. I think Kai is too...  
  
No matter what anyone thinks, Kai does NOT like going through all of life alone. He just learned to be like that because of the abbey. Because of Boris...  
  
Because...  
  
Of Voltaire...  
  
^* Out Of P.O.V. But Still With Tala! *^  
  
Tala wandered aimlessly around the hotel, lost in his thoughts. As he waited for an elevator to take him back up to the floor where his room was, he happened to glance out the window, into the drop off zone in front of the hotel.  
  
He then proceeded to freeze in shock.  
  
There were... Max, Kenny, Rei, and Tyson!!!  
  
They had obviously come to look for Kai, and through some sort of extremely twisted fate, they were staying at the very hotel he and Kai were.  
  
Tala knew that Kai was no where near ready to face his ex-teammates.  
  
Ex-teammates... It hurt Tala to think of them like that. He knew, even though Kai would die before admitting it, that the four boneheads had grown on Kai, and that Kai did indeed, except them as friends.  
  
He had to get Kai and get out of the hotel, hell, Russia, as soon as possible.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
*^ Kai's Journal Entry ^*  
  
(GOB: Long chapter, eh? Well, it's almost over, and I've been saving the best for last! JOURNAL ENTRY GOODNESS!!! YAY!!!)  
  
Strange.  
  
It's really quite strange, how a simple clear night, can make everything wrong in life, seem slightly less important.  
  
Note, I said SLIGHTLY. Life still sucks. No, let me correct that, MY life sucks.  
  
Nothing seems to be changing. I'm hiding behind a mask of lies. And no one seems to notice.  
  
I remember the few, very few, times I asked for help, for someone to just listen to me. Instead, I was ignored, locked away on my own. And I did what I needed to in order to survive. I became just that. Alone.  
  
::::::: A sound in the calm  
  
::::::: Falling upon deaf ears  
  
::::::: A twisted problem left unsolved  
  
::::::: A morbid mind creating its own fears  
  
::::::: On the outside  
  
::::::: Trying to look strong and innocent  
  
::::::: But on the inside  
  
::::::: Believing my thoughts are morally wrong  
  
::::::: And trying to keep my heart from total ferment  
  
::::::: Hiding my face  
  
::::::: Behind a mask of lies  
  
::::::: Ugly truth lined with lace  
  
::::::: From behind the curtain I scream the question  
  
::::::: "Why?"  
  
::::::: But unto no one's ears does my one question fall  
  
::::::: Perhaps it is not I who is deaf  
  
::::::: Maybe it is you all.  
  
I need to break away, to find out who I really am. When I look into the mirror, I don't see me.  
  
I see The Kai Hiwatari; The Leader Of The Bladebreaker; The Famous BeyBlader; Grandson Of Voltaire Hiwatari (no really?); Cold, Heartless, Bastard...  
  
But I am none of those. And yet, at the same time, I am all of those. But more.  
  
I am not 'The' Kai Hiwatari.  
  
I am just Kai. That's all I've ever been. All I will ever be.  
  
If that's good enough for me, why isn't it good enough for anyone else?  
  
Why-  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
"Kai! WE GOT TO PACK NOW! THE BLADEBREAKERS ARE HERE LOOKING FOR YOU!!!"  
  
Kai shot up and immediately began to pack up his things. He didn't know why the Bladebreakers would bother looking for him, but he knew he wasn't ready to face them.  
  
Not quite yet...  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
GOB: YAY! It's done! Phew, this is like 9 pages long! Longest chapter of Depth yet! Now, everyone listen up, check out Bladbreaker On Strike by Me and Lychee Fairy! It's under her account so look it up by name, author, or here's the link! Take out any spaces!  
  
Http:// www. php?storyid= 1692001  
  
Max: Review!  
  
Tala: Review!  
  
Rei: Review!  
  
Kenny: Review!  
  
Tyson: Review!  
  
Kai: Hn... 


	8. Neglected

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
GOB: New chapter of Depth!!! But before that, there is something I'd like to ask you people,  
  
PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW THE BEYBLADE FANFICS CALLED 'BLADEBREAKERS ON STRIKE' AND 'DANGEROUS MEMORIES'!!! ME AND LYCHEE FAIRY WANT MORE REVIEWS! AND I HAVE A NEW CHAPTER OF DANGEROUS MEMORIES UP FINALLY! NOW GO REVIEW THOSE THEN COME BACK HERE!!!!!  
  
Tala: You heard the lady, now scram...  
  
** Now that you've checked out DM & BOS **  
  
Max: Okay, here are all the thank yous!  
  
~ phoenix the 1st: Thank you for being the first person to review the last chapter! I hope this review is soon enough for you! ^_^  
  
~ demon's-gurl: I 'mademoremademoremademore' LOL!!!  
  
~ Reivan-Chan: WOW! That was an awesome review! You addressed EVERYTHING! And I may add Bryan in a bit later in the fic. But I'm not sure as of yet. (Hey, I'm making this up as I go along!) And thanks for the thumbs up on my poems, they really are fun to write! ^_~  
  
~ Hiwatari-gurl: HEHE! Bah is still our funny little joke, eh? THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!! Come on-line soon, I want to chat!  
  
~ Dragonblade: The word 'bah' is THE WORD!!! IT'S A WAY OF LIFE!!! And here's the update! ^_^  
  
~ Shoki de nai: LOL, I like seeing my fave characters in angst too! I hope you like this chapter as well!  
  
~ wateva: THANK YOU! Especially for reading BOS, as it's a fic I'm writing with a good friend of mine who's writing for the first time! ^_^ ! ^_^  
  
~ MasterFranny: Thank you! I'm glad you liked this chapter! ^_^  
  
~ Maeris: Sorry I don't update every few days, but I do have 4 fics to work on! Oh well, here's the new chapter!  
  
~ Lychee Fairy: LOL!!! All I'm going to say to you is thanks! After all, I talk to you every week anyway! ^_~  
  
~ dazogg: *sings* New person likes my fics! *Stops* THANKS!!! I'm glad you liked my fic, and your story was really good! Well, TO THE FIC!!!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Max: Don't you mean "To the disclaimer"?  
  
GOB:... TO THE DISCLAIMER THEN THE FIC!!!!!!!  
  
Max: O.o  
  
Tala: GOB doesn't own Beyblade and yadda yadda yadda...  
  
GOB: Good enough, on with the fic! Oh, and I can't believe it... ELEVEN REVIEWS FOR ONE CHAPTER??? YOU GUYS AND GALS ARE THE GREATEST!!!  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
"Isn't that..." Max thought to himself, but shook his head, dismissing the thought. After all, "What on earth would Tala be doing in this hotel?"  
  
Max shook his head once again, and followed the rest of the Bladebreakers to the front lobby.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
"Damn it, how the hell did they find me?" Kai asked Tala, as he finished packing his stuff up. "I didn't tell anyone where I was going, hell, I even made my flight reservations under a false name!"  
  
Tala looked surprised for a moment, then a thought clicked in his head,  
  
"Dickinson."  
  
Kai shook his head in disagreement.  
  
"I told him that I was heading to Australia to think. I even bought a ticket in my name for it. There is no possible reason for him to even think that I came her, to Russia."  
  
Tala frowned and was about to say something, before Kai cut him off.  
  
"Shit..."  
  
Tala glanced at his friend, before asking, "What? What is it?"  
  
Kai sighed and ran his hand through his duo colored locks, before replying,  
  
"I thought it was just my imagination, but I could've sworn I heard someone calling my name when I boarded my flight, and now that I've come to think about it, it sounded a lot like Max..."  
  
Tala muttered something under his breath, before glancing down the hallway and saying,  
  
"Coast is clear, let's jet."  
  
With that, the two slunk off, carefully avoiding everyone that came their way.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
~ Meanwhile, the other members of the Bladebreakers were having a very *pause* serious discussion... ~  
  
"Guys, we really need to talk..." Max started, and Tyson replied,  
  
"Aww, come on Maxie! I'm starving!" Max glared ever so slightly at Tyson before replying,  
  
"I mean a SERIOUS discussion... about what we're going to do when we find Kai. We have to stop acting like this is all just another game! Like the moment we find him, it'll be all sunshine and rainbows again! Grow up Tyson! Face it! We screwed up, we screwed up big time! There were plenty of signs that Kai was hurting, but we never noticed! Actually, we DID notice, but we just chose to ignore them, like that would make the problems just go away!!!"  
  
The others looked at Max in shock. They had never heard him speak so angrily. Never seen him look so upset. Never thought he could be that...  
  
right...  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
Kai and Tala carefully made their way out of the lobby. They had planned to take the train to another city in Russia and get a flight from there to England. They had chosen England because they didn't think anyone would search for them there. Besides, it was one of the only European countries Kai could stand that didn't have a Majestic.  
  
Johnny lived in Scotland, Enrique lived in Italy, Oliver lived in France, and Robert lived in Germany. England, surprisingly enough, didn't have any major bladers, and hopefully, no one would notice Kai and Tala.  
  
Surprisingly enough, both boys were hardly ever noticed when they went out. It probably had to do with the fact they stuck to alleys and other places where people would either not notice them, or not care who they were.  
  
Once the two made it out of the hotel, and to the train station, they bought their tickets and got aboard the train. Once aboard, they took seats in the only empty cabin. The train ride would take them almost a day.  
  
Tala went to sleep the moment his head hit the pillow, but Kai was much too restless too sleep. He got out of bed wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers, and pulled out his journal.  
  
He took a seat next to the window and gazed at the dark (it is night), but lovely scenery in front of him. He couldn't stop the thought that came unbidden to his mind,  
  
"Can darkness really be so calming, so beautiful, so... right?"  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
"I— I'm sorry Max," Tyson said dejectedly, as he slumped to the floor, letting his back lean against the wall, "You're completely right. We did just sit back and act like nothing was wrong. We were all stupid, thinking that would work!"  
  
Tyson last sentance was dark and self-blaming. Rei and Kenny exchanged glances, before Kenny spoke up, for once, shutting down Dizzi and just leaving her ion the table. This was something the four of them had to talk about.  
  
"Listen guys, let's talk about this in the main room. We can all sit down and discuss this, even if it takes all night."  
  
The others agreed with Kenny, and made their way to the main room.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
Once in the main room, Rei and Tyson lay claim to the sofa, while Max and Kenny each took a separate armchair.  
  
For a few moments, or what seemed to be an eternity of silence to the Bladebreakers, no one spoke, and they sat in pure silence.  
  
Rei broke the silence with a quiet cough. As all eyes turned towards him, he gazed at each of his friends, before starting,  
  
"We have to figure out what went wrong, before we can figure out how to make it right again."  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
GOB: Okay, the rest of this is going to be conversation, so it will be written as  
  
Max- "blahblah"  
  
Rei- "blahblah"  
  
only for this part though!  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
Max- "I agree with you Rei. I mean, we all know Kai is hurting, but we don't really know what about. Maybe if we can get an idea, even if it's just the slimmest glimpse, of why Kai left."  
  
Tyson- "I don't know guys. Kai never really showed any weakness, he just kept it to himself."  
  
Kenny- "That may be more helpful than you think Tyson. He always kept it all inside. Don't you think that after keeping it all inside, for so, so long, Kai, and any other person, would just find it too much to bare?"  
  
Max- "I think you're right. Kai is strong, that's obvious. But even he has to have a point where he just can't take it anymore, that he just has to get away from it all. Clear his head, and start over..."  
  
Rei- "You're probably right. And we haven't been much help either..."  
  
Tyson- "What do you mean Rei?"  
  
Rei- "*sighs* What I mean Tyson, is that you have no idea how much work Kai did to get us to tournaments, training sessions, et cetera."  
  
Max- "I'm sorry Rei, but I don't understand. What do you mean, how much work?"  
  
Kenny- "You guys have no idea how much paperwork is involved with tournaments. There are over a hundred forms that have to be filled in, and that's just for one blader. For training sessions, you have to go to a lot of meetings to decide the schedules of when and for how long a certain team gets the training room. Trust me, it's a lot of stress."  
  
Max- "But we never did any forms, or went to any meetings..."  
  
Tyson- "But we still went to tournaments and got a lot of training time..."  
  
Rei- "That's right guys, Kai did all the paperwork and went to all the meetings. I remember that when I found out and offered to help, he told me it was his responsibility as team captain to do this, and that it wasn't much so he could handle it. I never thought about it again... I had no idea how much paperwork he was doing, how much work he was doing to help us."  
  
Max- "None of us did. But now that we know, what are we going to say to him, when we do find him?"  
  
Kenny- "Guys, call me crazy, but I think that we shouldn't prepare a speech or anything like that."  
  
Rei- "You're crazy."  
  
Kenny- "No guys, I'm serious. If we really want Kai to come back to the team, we have to be totally truthful and sincere."  
  
Max- "I'm with Kenny."  
  
Tyson- "Yeah."  
  
Rei- "So, we'll look for Kai first thing tomorrow morning!"  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
( Kai's Journal Entry!!! )  
  
Sometimes, I truly hate being left alone to think. It's strange really, how completely different two people can be, yet can be more alike than you ever wanted to be.  
  
I am nothing like my Grandfather... yet, it is so easy to see me becoming him.  
  
I am just as quiet, solitary, calculating, and cold as he is. But I am not evil, I am not corrupted...  
  
Not as of yet anyway.  
  
But... I can hear him calling me...  
  
~~~~~~~~ The darkness is consuming me,  
  
~~~~~~~~ With all that negative energy,  
  
~~~~~~~~ My light can't shine like it did before,  
  
~~~~~~~~ I can't feel anything, is my heart sore?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ Does this mean that I am dead,  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ Like this is the total end,  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ Or maybe I am only dreaming,  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ And nothing is for believing;  
  
~~~~~~~~ I came for strength to fuel my soul,  
  
~~~~~~~~ But now I feel like I'm not whole,  
  
~~~~~~~~ To feel fear is to be weak,  
  
~~~~~~~~ Or is it that, that I must seek;  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ Maybe darkness has blinded me,  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ So I will have to wait and see,  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ Maybe nothing has gone wrong,  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ My imagination is very strong;  
  
~~~~~~~~ If darkness is consuming me,  
  
~~~~~~~~ With all that negative energy,  
  
~~~~~~~~ Will my light ever shine again?  
  
~~~~~~~~ Or will I forever be lost in dark rain?  
  
I can still feel the pull of Black Dranzer, drawing me in. He still calls out to me, and, though I do not know how, he still speaks to me, in my dreams, whenever I close my eyes, even if it is for merely a moment, there he is, calling for me, searching for me.  
  
And a part of me wants to be near the black bitbeast. A part of me yearns to feel the dark warmth of Black Dranzer, while yet another part of me fears the dark one, wanting to do nothing more than to hide from his darkening gaze.  
  
I don't know what I am thinking anymore. I have to keep concentrated, keep my barriers up, or else I will continue to be plagued by Black Dranzer.  
  
I refuse to become another little puppet for my Grandfather. No matter what the cost, I will find a way to free myself from the shackles put upon me by those filled with treachery and hate.  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
GOB: DONE DONE DONE!!! BUT WAIT! I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU ALL! ANOTHER POEM, DEDICATED TO JADE A.K.A. LYCHEE FAIRY, FOR ALL HER HELP AND SUPPORT!!! THIS ONE'S FOR YOU JADE!!!  
  
~¦* Stranger *¦~  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You said I could do it  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You made me believe  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~That making a difference  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~Is what I'd achieve  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You've made me come far  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You've guided me 'til now  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~How I'll go without you  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~I can't imagine how  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You're letting me go  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~For you think that you know  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~That I'll be ready and standing  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~With the world that's always changing  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You say the world is lost  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You tell me what is true  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~You've meant a lot to me  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~But tell me...  
  
~^~^~^~^~^~Who are you?  
  
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((  
  
GOB: MORE IMPORTANT NOTES!!! DANGEROUS MEMORIES HAS BEEN UPDATED WITH AN AMAZING ELEVEN PAGE CHAPTER!!! EVERYONE CHECK IT OUT AND REVIEW, BECAUSE UNTIL I GET MORE REVIEWS FOR DANGEROUS MEMORIES, I WILL NOT UPDATE. AND I WILL NOT UPDATED DEPTH UNTIL I UPDATE DANGEROUS MEMORIES! CLICK ON MY PEN NAME TO GET TO MY FIC!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!  
  
Tala: Review now, before she goes "caps-lock happy" again...  
  
Kai: Don't listen to Tala, he's an idiotic red-head.  
  
Tala: Shut up.  
  
Kai: Bite me.  
  
GOB: Oh grow up! 


	9. Forgotten

~*-+- *~  
  
GOB: I live in the cruelest of places, where my heart, my soul, my dreams, are ripped out and shattered in front of me.....  
  
Tala: I need to escape, find who I truly am. Knowing not who you are is the deepest of sorrows you can ever hope not to have.  
  
Max: Empty souls wish for world peace, ending world hunger, but how can any of that be accomplished, when all we do is lie, cheat & steal?  
  
Kai: Can darkness really be so calming, so beautiful, so... right? Or is it nothing but an empty wish from an empty soul?  
  
GOB: Sometimes, in the rush of life, we forget to take the time to think... such thoughts may be depressing, but it is always better to have thought about the pains, longings, and hurts you have faced, and will face. Losing hope is what drives wars. Lost hope. To be able to fight, to be able to kill another without thinking twice of it, to be able to accept that without a second thought, you must have lost all hope of peace, love, and kindness. The world is full of lost hopes. And more and more are being continually being drained of hope....  
  
But what will you do? Will you be next? Or have you already lost all hope? If not, how long do you think you will last?  
  
How long???  
  
~*-+- *~  
  
Thanks To The Following Reviewers Who Give Hope And Light To Aspiring Authors In Their Struggle To Let Their Creativity Flow:  
  
~** Maeris ~~* England is nothing, but a place. The true story lies in the mind of the reader.  
  
~** DragonBlade ~~* Dark is nothing, but the opposite of light. Nothing, but an opposite...  
  
~** Lefty ~~* Torture is something to do to those who deserve it. Reviewers should never face torture.  
  
~** Hiwatari-gurl ~~* Conversations can hold many a hidden meaning. Reviews can hold many a different praises.  
  
~** phoenix the 1st ~~* Updates come and go, but they will always arrive.  
  
~** ruth 4 kai ~~* The poems I write will always be for yours and others enjoyment.  
  
~** Sacred Dog ~~* Thank you for reviewing my work. Your regards are most appreciated.  
  
~** Syaoran-Lover ~~* The Bladebreakers are not that wise, to see what lies in front of them. Thank you for the kind review.  
  
~** MasterFranny ~~* Thank you for reviewing both works by me.  
  
~** ComputerAngel ~~* Now you will have the knowledge of what happens.  
  
~** wateva ~~* Updates are now in progress. Thank you for your appreciative support.  
  
~** false-image ~~* Your support is immensely appreciated.  
  
~*-+- *~  
  
Disclaimer: Any and all characters, places, ect. That are not the pure creations of my mind are the possessions of those who created them and I, in no part, take and credit for their importance in my fanfiction on this website.  
  
~*-+- *~  
  
( Tala & Kai )  
  
~ "You stop me from speaking out. Locking me into an eternity of silence. Such silence is pure. So am I pure or just pretending to be?" ~  
  
The lines from the familiar poem drifted unbidden, and unwanted, to Tala's confused mind. He knew that there was more going on than he could ever comprehend, but it killed him, it suffocated him, to see what had become of Kai.  
  
The Unbeatable Kai. The Great Kai Hiwatari. The Kai Hiwatari... He was always someone you couldn't help hating at some point, but at the same time, you respected him, admired him. No matter what anyone threw at him, he stood strong, unbending, to anyone's will, but his own. He refused to let himself be corrupted.  
  
But now... now it seemed as if Kai, yes Kai, was giving into his demons. Tala knew everyone had their own personal demons to wage war against, but Kai never gave in to his. Or at least... not until now.  
  
The Russian youth sighed as he turned over once again in his sleep, this time to face the dark window, so small that only a piece of the sky and a sliver of the moon could be seen. He looked at his reflection in the dark mirror. (The window if you didn't get that.)  
  
He got up slowly, and made his way to his duffel bag. He scrounged around in it before finding and pulling out what he was looking for...  
  
His journal...  
  
~*-+- *~ (Max, Rei, Tyson, Kenny)  
  
Max ran his hands through his hair.  
  
This Was !!!NOT!!! Happening!!!  
  
The quartet had begun their search for Kai, but met with the worst possible news...  
  
"HE WAS HERE!?!?!?!?!"  
  
The Bladebreakers stood there in complete and utter shock.  
  
They had started there search by asking the desk clerk in the hotel lobby if she had seen a tall, quiet, teen, with two toned blue hair, and crimson eyes. They also told her that he usually wore a sleeveless black shirt, a white scarf with two ends (GOB: I don't care if it's only one end in Season 1, it's two ends in G Rev!), and red armguards, each with it's own wicked blade attached to it.  
  
She told them that she had seen him and that he had been staying in this very hotel, but had unfortunately checked out just the day before.  
  
"I can't believe this. We just barely missed him!" Rei shook his head as the Bladebreakers all sat glumly on the blue couches in the lobby.  
  
"Hey guys," Max said slowly, as if just remembering something which, before, had no importance. "I remember seeing Tala hear that day we came. I'm thinking he must've been here too."  
  
The Bladebreakers looked at one another deeply and horridly confused. They had never even given a spare, lonely, drifting thought towards the red haired Russian youth.  
  
When Kai had disappeared, all alone, while going about it in a way that he was sure not to be interrupted by anyone who could possibly find an reason, no matter how minuscule, to talk to him. He always seemed like the type of person who preferred to be solitary, alone, apart, from others. In all honesty, it seemed to the Bladebreakers, that Kai wanted to be...  
  
Forgotten.....  
  
~*-+- *~  
  
( Tala's Journal )  
  
Sometimes, I just don't know what to do. I see him there, just standing there, alone, leaning against the wall. Eyes closed, arms crossed, his usual pose. It almost seems as if he's trying to.. I don't know, escape from reality. He seems to try to always fade back into the woodwork, trying to have nobody notice what he's doing. It's like. He wants to be forgotten.  
  
And it hurts. It hurts me, as much, maybe even more, than it hurts him. Kai was always one of my closest friends, and was, no is, the person I trust most in this shit-hole we call our world. Sometimes I feel so helpless.  
  
And it wouldn't be the first time.  
  
When I first came to the abbey, I was headstrong, arrogant, without a care in the world. I admit it, I was a jerk. But it didn't matter. I was to arrogant to care. I thought I was a real big-shot, winning all my battles, beating up anybody who gave me a hard time.  
  
Then when Kai came it changed. All of it.  
  
He came in one day, when I was laughing and kicking this one kid I beat in a beyblade match. He took one look at what was going on then challenged me to a match. I agreed, no sweat. But then he added that one condition, which, to this day, confuses me.  
  
He said we both had to use a plain, regular beyblade, without our bitbeasts. He said that he wanted to know if it was me that was a good blader, or if it was Wolborg who won all my battles for me.  
  
I saw red, no pun intended, and excepted without a second thought. I wanted to teach him a lesson for disrespecting me. Yeah, I had a huge ego.  
  
It was all over so fast. I never saw it coming. I still remember the look on his face, after he had won. Well, creamed me.  
  
It wasn't one of smug satisfaction, which I had been expecting. No, he seemed almost disappointed... in me.  
  
After that match, he came to my room, and asked to talk to me. I thought he would start gloating, but instead, he sat down calmly on my bed and asked me the strangest thing...  
  
"I'd like a rematch. You cheated."  
  
~*-+- *~  
  
GOB: yes, it was indeed Kai who wanted the rematch, and it was indeed Kai who accused Tala of cheating during their first match against one another.  
  
Kai's journal entry will be mostly random thoughts on anything and everything that has befallen him during his time on Earth. The thoughts, though random, will all relate to Kai's relationship with Black Dranzer, his Grandfather, the Bladebreakers, other beyblade teams, and finally, Tala.  
  
~*-+- *~  
  
( Kai's Journal )  
  
Darkness... I've never understood why darkness has always been thought of the sign of evil. That was the main reason most people believed that Black Dranzer was evil. I never really believed that he was evil.  
  
In all honesty, Black Dranzer always seemed the weaker of the two phoenixes. Always being forced to hide behind the darkness. Hiding from light. Hiding, afraid, scared, of anything that could break through his barrier...  
  
My Grandfather has always been a mystery to me. I used to think that in his own, strange, ways, he really did care about me.  
  
All my belief in that was shattered long, long ago. But still hope lingers.  
  
No matter how hard I try to fight it, a part of me craves my Grandfather's exception, pride, anything, that shows me that I am more than a toll, a weapon to him.  
  
The Bladebreakers and the other teams all see me as someone to be wary of, and they are right to think so. I am dangerous. But if I ever dropped the act, the mask, the barriers, I would be nothing.  
  
I am naught but a shell of my former self.  
  
I know longer know who the person that looks back at me from the mirror is. I know longer know who I am. And if I can't know myself, how can I let others?  
  
Tala... there is so little, yet so much, I can say about him. But I won't.  
  
I no longer want to analyze everything, like a cold, unfeeling, monster.  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Determination  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Fear of my failure  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| It's okay people  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| My hatred is pure  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| He deserves it all  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Whatever he gets  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Think he can take it  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Let's all place bets  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Is this desire okay?  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Can I place judgment on him?  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| I guess I should be patient  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| And go out on this limb.  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Though I'd rather laugh  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Lift palm and slap him  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| I'd rather punish  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| And kill in a whim  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| How dare I feel guilt  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| For the words I write  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| He didn't regret  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Even in hindsight  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Hatred so intense  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Consumes like fire  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| And only I suffer  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| He's such a liar  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| He hurts the innocent  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| And kills adopted blood  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Can't you see them fall down  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Drown in the thick mud?  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Sickness so estranged  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| It consumes his soul  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| And my precious dear  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| Reaps the evil toll  
  
~  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| What if I don't trust  
  
|||||||| ------ |||||||| -------|||||||| That he'll be repaid?  
  
I want to get revenge for everything that has befallen me, yet I also want to forget. Is it normal to feel unworthy, yet too good, for anything and everything, that I do not know, but I want to know. I need to know.  
  
I am empty...  
  
~*-+- *~  
  
GOB: The chapter you have been reading has now come to an end. Thank you for reading my work. Now please review this piece. 


	10. Rejected

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
  
***~~~~~*** REJECTED ***~~~~~***  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
  
GOB: New chapter out, sorry about the very long wait!!!  
  
Kai: You should be.  
  
GOB: *Gasps* YOU WANT ME TO KEEP WRITING???  
  
Kai: No. Just wanted to get your hopes up. *cruel smirk*  
  
GOB: Evil demon... I don't own anything....  
  
Kai: Damn right you don't.  
  
GOB: BUT the plot. *Scowls*  
  
Tala: O... k... Here is the thank you section...  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
  
++ DragonBlade = Glad you liked it! It was all serious because I was really depressed.  
  
++ wateva = I'm glad you like my fic that much! It makes it all worth writing ^_^!!!  
  
++ DarkVixenOfLight = Hehe, I will tell you how he 'cheats' maybe in this chapter or maybe not. I don't know yet!  
  
++ demon's-gurl = I hope you won't hate me for updating so late!!!  
  
++ ruth 4 kai = I am deep... HERE THAT WORLD??? I AM DEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
++ Syaoran-Lover = As always, my trustful critic. Always telling me what I did wrong... LOL, I'm glad someone knows what grammar is... to me, it's all Japanese! The Bladebreakers will find them... somehow.... *means I have no idea*  
  
++ Hiwatari-gurl = Yayness! I loved that chapter to ^_^ !  
  
++ Maeris = LOL, that was a very random filled review! But good all the same!!!  
  
++ Rya Starling = Nah, if anyone is finding Kai's JOURNAL it's Max or Tala. I'm not a big Tyson fan... *Holds gun with bullet that has Tyson's name engraved on it*  
  
++ phoenix the 1st = Ahh, another loyal reader/reviewer. HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!  
  
++ Lefty = Awww, I'm not that good. Amazing maybe, but not good... ^_~  
  
++ MasterFranny = I know! I did update Dangerous Memories, as I know you know! Oohhhh, Kai plushie 78....  
  
++ ComputerDevil = My story rocks? YAY!!! Now you will know what happens!  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
  
GOB: About the journal entries, I will be starting with Max's journal. Midway will be Tala's journal entry. Lastly, ending the chapter, will be Kai's journal entry. Now, go on, read the chapter that I have painstakingly typed out.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/***\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
  
( The Bladebreakers )  
  
The Bladebreakers were all sulking around, depressed, in there hotel room.  
  
Rei kept flipping the channels to the TV, trying to forget the current frustration that had consumed him since they had found out about Kai's sudden departure. He couldn't believe that they had missed him, just that barely. He was beginning to have serious doubts on whether they would find Kai at all. He felt as if they would always just miss him...  
  
Tyson was sitting in the little kitchen, poking at his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He had made the sandwich thinking it would help the slight depression he had gotten after hearing the horrible news. Kai had been so close, yet they had lost him... once again, they had lost him. Tyson just sat there, poking, poking, just poking at his sandwich. He had taken just one bite and put down the sandwich with a sigh. Food just wasn't the answer...  
  
Kenny was the only one who was putting his depression into good use. He was using all the pain inside of him to fuel his search for Kai. He had decided to add Tala to his search as well, but it hurt him immensely to do that. He knew, deep down inside, though he refused to acknowledge it, he knew the Kai trusted Tala more than he trusted any of them.  
  
Max sat on his bed, the lights turned off, writing in the light of a simple, but elegant, lamp, glancing out the window every now and then.  
  
(Max's Journal)  
  
Everyone is so depressed. I have always hated it when people got depressed, so I always tried my hardest to cheer up anyone and everyone who was depressed, but now... I can't...  
  
I can't, because I just can't bring myself to cheer people up when I, myself, am depressed. It would feel all wrong... Like I was lying to them, giving them false hope, false cheer, false... everything. I know how much it hurts to be given false hope. I was given enough of it as a child, back when my parents were still together.  
  
They would always tell me everything was okay, and that nothing was wrong, whenever I heard them fighting, or arguing as they put it, and went to them to ask what was wrong.  
  
I must have asked them over a billion times if they were thinking of getting a divorce, or splitting up, or going bankrupt, or any of the other problems that adults always seem to have when they argue. Of course, like any other parents on the planet, they ensured me that nothing was wrong, that they would never think of getting a divorce, that they were only arguing because they were tired, that everything would be perfect in the morning.  
  
But it wasn't.  
  
Everything was always supposed to be all roses and sunshine and smiles, but my enchanted garden rot away almost as soon as it bloomed. It seemed as though everything was going great, and then my world, my beautiful world, was sent crashing all around me, each little shard burying itself into my heart. Reminding myself of the pain I felt, I still feel.  
  
It seems that I'm always at my worst when I'm depressed, I just can't get out of it all by myself. I've always needed someone else to help pull me out of that state. I remember falling into a state of deep, melancholy depression during the American Tournament.  
  
It hurt to see my Mom coaching another team of Bladers, and the fact that she lied about what she did for a living. I could hardly believe it. At first, I was happy to see her and happy to see her doing something that I knew she loved. But then, she didn't seem happy to see me at all. It was all wrong...  
  
Everything was all awkward between us, nothing seemed like it was supposed to be. We should have been catching up on all the times we missed. But instead, we were avoiding each other... it hurt... a lot...  
  
I remember how hard I practiced when Kai stepped back and let me face Michael in the finals. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get anything right. I remember getting really frustrated and throwing my launcher down in disgust, glaring as it landed next to an unmoving Draciel.  
  
Then I heard a voice say, "Giving up so quickly, Max? I thought better of you." It was Kai of course. He jumped down from the tree he had been sitting it. I realized he had been watching my pathetic excuse for beyblading and looked away, ashamed.  
  
Kai shook his head slightly then said, in that calm, cool, collected voice, "Getting all worked up isn't going to fix this situation with your Mom. It's also obviously not helping your beyblading one bit."  
  
I was shocked, but Kai wasn't done yet. He then said, "Talk to her Max. And that's an order." He was quiet for a while, then continued, "As to your problem with your beyblading, I may have an idea as to how to fix it. If you are done moping, that is."  
  
Kai helped me bring out Draceil's true ability. I think that's what really beat Michael. That and the fact Kai believed I could win. I didn't want to disappoint him, for some reason, his belief meant a lot to me.  
  
And now, it's up to us to redeem ourselves and bring Kai back.  
  
No more sulking around, it's time to find Kai.  
  
(End Of Journal Entry)  
  
"That's right Max, we've got to pull ourselves together!" Rei said suddenly, surprising Max. Max didn't realize he said that last part out loud.  
  
Rei and Max, after some time, managed to pry Tyson away from his sandwich, and went in search of Kenny, whom they found typing on his lap top. Dizzy being surprisingly quiet.  
  
"Hey Kenny, have you found out where Kai could be?" Rei asked as the trio flopped down next to Kenny. Max and Tyson, munching on his sandwich now that there was hope, nodded eagerly.  
  
Kenny looked up and shocked the others with his huge grin.  
  
"Umm, Kenny, dude, friend, buddy, you're ugh... you're scaring us. What's up?" Tyson said, edging away.  
  
Kenny laughed a bit, and filled them in. "I finally got my GBPS set up!"  
  
Blank stares met him.  
  
He sighed and said, "GBPS means Global Bitbeast Positioning System. Using that, I can track Kai's whereabouts through Dranzer!"  
  
"All right! Kenny!" Max said, but frowned, "Hey what's up with Dizzy?"  
  
Kenny stopped and muttered, "I honestly have no idea... She's just clamed up!"  
  
The others all glanced at the silent laptop. Rei sighed and said, "Well, out with it! Where is that captain of ours?"  
  
One word met him.  
  
"England."  
  
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(Tala And Kai {The Guys You Really Want To Read About!})  
  
Tala and Kai both sat in the brightly lit restaurant. Both had thought it would be best to go out of the hotel for lunch, neither boy had much faith in hotel cooks, after some bad experiences.  
  
"So Kai, what do you want?" Tala asked, skimming the menu. He had already deciding to get two slices of pepperoni pizza, fries, and coke.  
  
Kai glanced once more at his menu and replied, while hailing a waiter, "Same as you."  
  
Tala frowned, then said, "I didn't even tell you what I'm getting yet..."  
  
Kai rolled his eyes, and told the waiter, "We'll have four slices of pepperoni pizza, two orders of fries, and two medium cokes." The waiter took all this down, then went to get their food.  
  
Tala looked at Kai shocked. "How the freaking hell.."  
  
Kai smirked, "You ALWAYS order the EXACT same thing EVERY time!"  
  
Tala growled, and started to eat as soon as their food was set down in front of them. After they finished eating, they got up, paid for their lunch, then walked out under the gray, dreary skies of London, England.  
  
* * *  
*  
  
Tala flopped down in front of the TV in their hotel room. Kai had decided to wander around a bit, while Tala had opted out wandering in the rain. Instead, he now sat bored as hell in front of a TV with cable, that had nothing on.  
  
"Not even an old, corny movie on..." He mused out loud, pacing the room, looking for something to do. He made himself a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly, and then decided he wasn't hungry. Sticking the sandwich in the fridge, he walked to his room, and rummaged around in his duffel bag, finally finding his journal. He then spent ten minutes looking for a pen. Finally getting settles down, he lay sprawled across his bed and began to write.  
  
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GOB: I'm going to try to NOT make Tala's journal entry depressing. So don't be all shocked when it's not.  
  
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(Tala's Journal)  
  
I Am Bored...  
  
Kai's out there somewhere, walking around in the rain. I have no idea why on earth he's out there, getting himself soaked to the bone. He's going to catch pneumonia, or worse! Serves him right for not listening to me though...  
  
My god! I sound like a freaking nitpicky, overprotective, mother!  
  
But Kai was always someone who refused to listen to anything anyone else said if he had even a shadow of a doubt. He's also the type of person who would seriously drive you mentally and criminally insane if you tried to figure out why he does the things he does, why he says the things he says, and why he acts the way he acts.  
  
Like the things he said when we first met. Especially the part of calling me a cheater and requesting a rematch.  
  
I still have a hard time understanding what he meant when he said that, even though he's explained it to me time and time again. I'll write down his explanation, as word for word as I can possibly get it.  
  
~ "You're confused, right? Can't say that I'm surprised, you may be smart Tala, but you can be pretty dense time to time. Look, no interruptions.  
  
You want to know why I said, 'I'd like a rematch. You cheated.' Don't you.  
  
There was a reason I asked you for a match with plain beyblades nothing special added on to it. I wanted to test your skill. Not your skill at handling your advanced beyblade, not your skill handling your bitbeast, but your pure raw skill and talent at beyblading. And you really let me down.  
  
I expected more from you. You had much more skill than that. That was just pathetic. It looks like after all the time you spent on practicing with Wolborg, and your specialty blade, you forgot how to beyblade using just your talent, how to rely on yourself, and your own skill. You forgot what beyblading is really about.  
  
Though sometimes, I wonder if it isn't 'what beyblading was about', instead of 'is about'. No one seems to care about relying on themselves anymore. Now, it's all about power...  
  
Let me know when you remember how to really beyblade. Then... then I would like my rematch." ~  
  
He then walked out of the room, leaving me stunned. The worst part was, he was right. About me forgetting how to really beyblade, how I stooped relying on myself... but he was also right about the other thing he said.  
  
Not many beybladers seemed to care about relying on themselves, on their own skills and talents. Instead, it was all about power. No one cares if they hurt their bitbeasts, or if their bitbeasts are tired nowadays. No one cares about relying on their skills, not their sheer power. Beybattles these days are determined by who has the most power, not who is the most skilled. These days, you could have the most skilled beyblader in the world, who does not have a bitbeast, up against the most idiotic person in the world, who by some strange twist of fate has a bitbeast, and everyone expects the kid with the bitbeast to win. And what's worst, the kid with the bitbeast usually does. The person with the skill gives up before the match even starts because they believe only the powerful will ever win.  
  
I know how much Kai hates that. I guess that's why he took a liking to the Bladebreakers. They were some of the few beybladers that relied on skill and themselves, instead of just power. But now, even they are being sucked in. Into a world where only the powerful will prevail.  
  
I think a part of Kai dies whenever that happens, a part of his determination, his hope, his light. He believes so damn strongly about not relying purely on power. That was one of the reasons he was punished so often at the abbey. He refused to buy into what we were being forced to believe.  
  
He always believed in what he deemed true. And that's one of the reasons so many people respect him. So many people, that know the truth about Kai. Not the truth about The Great Kai Hiwatari, but the truth about Kai, just Kai, and that's all that really matters.  
  
(End Of Journal Entry)  
  
{Narrator's P.O.V.}  
  
Tala set down his pen and reread what he had just written. As he read it, a small smile crept onto his face. The Truth About Kai. Tala couldn't help but wonder if he indeed, knew the truth about Kai, or if he only knew a small sliver of what really went on behind the blunette's stone mask...  
  
In all honesty, he didn't mind if he knew even less of the truth than that. He was glad just to know Kai. For him, that was enough.  
  
Perfectly... enough.  
  
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(Kai ~ Wandering Through The Streets In The Rain)  
  
Kai took a deep breath. The air tasted slightly salty, and was extremely cold and wet, but it still cleansed his soul. He often used a series of breathing techniques to help clear his soul, mind and heart.  
  
He shook his head slightly and water droplets flew all around him, but it didn't really matter, as it was still pouring outside, and he didn't bother bringing an umbrella with him, or even a jacket for that matter.  
  
He was one of those people who liked the feeling of rain against his skin, and would always be seen walking around in it. He didn't mind getting wet, after all, it was just water. Kai sighed ever so slightly, then turned around.  
  
He headed back to the hotel. He knew it was getting extremely late, and he didn't want to deal with any street gangs, not tonight anyway. He just wasn't in the mood for a fight. Normally, he went around looking for street gangs, or anyone in the alleys doing something they knew they shouldn't be.  
  
He extremely disliked those gangs who attacked people without giving them a chance to defend themselves, or those who couldn't defend themselves even if they wanted to. Those type of people really pissed Kai off. So every now and then, more often now than then, he took to roaming the alleys at night and keeping them clean of trash, so to speak.  
  
But tonight, he just wanted to head back to the hotel, take a shower, then head to bed.  
  
* * *  
*  
  
Kai towel dried his hair as he sat down on his bed. By the time he had gotten back, Tala had already fallen asleep. Kai had just rolled his eyes at his red headed friend sleeping half on and half off his bed. Kai had pushed him back onto the bed, fully this time, before going to his room, and taking a long, hot shower.  
  
He had gotten dried and dressed, and was ready to go to sleep, but he just wasn't tired. He had tried to fall asleep, but after about an hour of laying in bed, doing nothing but staring at the ceiling, he had given up.  
  
Kai walked around the room for a bit, but that got old fast. He was about to rip his hair out in boredom, but decided to write in his journal instead.  
  
He grabbed a pen, which had coincidentally been the same pen that Tala had just been using before. Talk about weird occurrences.  
  
Kai settled down in the couch, and began to write.  
  
(Kai's Journal Entry)  
  
{GOB: About time, huh?}  
  
For some reason, today I feel so... so.... so refreshed, I guess.  
  
I guess leaving the Bladebreakers did do some good after all. I know I should have told them I was leaving, but I just had to get away. I couldn't take it anymore. It was like... like I had forgotten who I was, why I am the way I am, and why I believe in what I do.  
  
I had to find out more about myself, and I just couldn't do that around the Bladebreakers. But in no way is it their fault. I just needed to know more about myself. I needed to escape, to find who I truly am.  
  
Knowing not who you are is the deepest sorrows you can ever hope not to have.  
  
I am someone different to everyone. They all see me differently than others. To no one am I the same. I guess it may be the same for everyone.  
  
Everyone may look at the exact same person at the exact same time, but none of them will think the exact same thing. Sure, they may be close, but not identical. Everyone views people differently. I know I do. I have different views on everybody. That includes the Bladebreakers, and my views on them would shock many.  
  
Kenny, he's the smart, intelligent, somewhat nerdy one. But there's still more to him. He's not what you would call a great adventurer, or fearless, but he's got great determination and will. He always follows Tyson and the others into whatever stupid situation they put themselves in. He is also extremely willing to help, and keeps his word. If he says he'll fix your blade, he'll stay up all night fixing it. He'll always be ready to help you with advice, on almost anything. He is a bit of a coward, and a dork, but he's still ready and willing to help.  
  
Rei, the calm, perceptive, somewhat nosy one. He's usually the calmest of the four. Though time and time again, he'll let himself loose, and join in the others crazy plans. It is probably a good thing he joins them, or else they would not get out of their messes quite so easily. Rei notices a great deal more than the others, most likely due to his neko-jin heritage. He is slightly nosy though, having the bad habit of questioning me time and time again, when all I want to do is be left alone, to think, and recollect myself, but all in all, he's a good person to be around.  
  
Tyson... Tyson is like... a loose canon. Powerful, strong, but extremely wild. At times he can be smart, thoughtful, intelligent even, but sometimes, and this is what usually happens, he lets himself go crazy. Time and time again, he's led the others into one of his crazy schemes, only to need their help to get out of the mess he created. He's a good friend and a good person, with a genuinely good heart, but sometimes, it's all I can do, not to take his beyblade and shove it down his throat.  
  
Max... Max is the one Bladebreaker who thoroughly puzzles me. He always seems so happy, so cheerful, but he's hiding something. He's hiding all his pain, all his doubts, from everyone but himself. I can tell that he's got a lot on his mind. Most people would see him as a deliriously happy go lucky kid, but there's a lot of hurt in him, hurt he hides with a smile. I know what it's like to hide the pain, all it does is make it worse. We may hide our pain differently, but neither way could make things any better.  
  
I know what it's like to need someone. Lucky for me, I had, and will always have, Tala. He and I are more like brothers, than friends. He's always been there when I needed him, and I will always be there when he needs me.  
  
I can trust him with anything, though I usually prefer to keep things to myself. No one needs my pain added on top of theirs. But Tala's always known if something was bothering me, without me saying a single word..  
  
* If I told you that my world came crashing down when the towers did.... would you believe me...  
  
* And if I told you that I feel all alone when I'm surrounded by people... would you tell me it will be all right...  
  
* And if I told you that the fire wasn't over for me... would you tell me to just get over it...  
  
* And if I said I don't think I have a best friend anymore... would you tell me that you'd be my best friend...  
  
* And if I held my head up high... would you laugh... because I'm about to cry...  
  
* And if I told you my own family won't talk to me... would you tell me they will get over the fact that I'm not perfect...  
  
* And if I told you that I'm tired of always being messed with... would you tell me to stand up for my rights...  
  
* And if I said that my teachers are too hard on me... would you tell me to keep going...  
  
* And if I told you I can't sleep at night... would you hold me and tell me to take more time for myself...  
  
* And if I told you I'm not sure if I'm coming or going anymore... would you tell me you don't think anyone does...  
  
* And if I told you my life is falling apart... would you tell me it's not that bad...  
  
* And if I closed my eyes tonight and didn't open them again... would you cry for me...  
  
(End Of Journal Entry)  
  
Kai set down his pen and journal and yawned. He walked into his room, put his stuff away, and turned off the light.  
  
He fell into a deep, comforting, sleep soon after...  
  
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GOB: The end! Finally! Now review!  
  
AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW DANGEROUS MEMORIES!!! THAT HAS BEEN UPDATED TOO! WITH INFORMATION ON THE EXPLOSION!!!  
  
Kai: Hn... yeah.. sure... whatever...  
  
GOB: Man of many words, aren't you?  
  
Kai: Hn.  
  
GOB: Well, adios for now! See you all later, and make sure to review!!! Or else...  
  
Tala: By the way, does anyone have any suggestions for this fic? If you do, let us know! We'd love to hear them!  
  
Kai: No we wouldn't.  
  
GOB: Shut up bishie boy!  
  
Kai: *walks away*  
  
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	11. Forlorn

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Forlorn   
  
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GOB: I'm back! And I am so sorry about the delayed updates... I really have no excuse except for the fact exams are soon and that I'm a lazy sheep... I really owe kazeilla, Mary, and Jade for bugging the hell out of me to update!  
  
Since summers coming soon, I'll try to update as much as I possible can, but I'm beginning to hit problems with this fic... I've decided to hold a poll. The question is: DO YOU THINK Kai SHOULD RETURN TO THE BLADEBREAKERS, STAY WITH TALA, RETIRE FROM BLADING ALL TOGETHER, OR OTHER??? The 'other' is as of yet undecided....  
  
Please, please, please answer this question in your reviews!!! It's very important!!!  
  
Tala: Will you shut up now?  
  
GOB: looks at Tala WAHHHHHHHHHHH! TALA HATES ME!!!!!!!  
  
Kai: Smooth... Now She's going to make my life a living hell...  
  
GOB: Yep! Oh, and I'm wondering if I should change my pen name, what do you people think???  
  
Tala: -- Why me...  
  
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Thanks To:   
  
Hiwatari-gurl – Yay! I'm glad you liked that poem... I want to go to England too... Bet many people do since Kai's there... but not for long!  
  
Kazeilla – Whoa... You liked all of those parts? Hehe, so did I..  
  
phoenix the 1st – I feel like a real jerk saying this, but who are you on msn? I am horrible at remembering stuff like this! I'm so glad that you liked the ending! I wasn't sure if it was any good!  
  
Sacred Phoenix – Your review... if was so awesome! I think I'll probably add the Majestics in this fic, but only small roles... no one takes the spotlight of MY Kai!!! I'm glad I gave you a new perspective!  
  
Syaoran-Lover – Spelling is the work of the devil... or a teacher with way to much time on their hands... same thing really... If spell-check doesn't pick up my mistakes, I don't care... I bet Kai never had to worry about spelling...  
  
Lefty – Lol, penguins who fly... Hehe... I tried not to be too depressing in my fics... it just brings me down!  
  
Dark Wolf88 – NO! There is more! I'm only skimming the surface, and there's a hell of a lot more to go!  
  
demon's-gurl – Awwww, thanks! That's so great that you like my poetry!  
  
MasterFranny – I feel so bad for not updating in forever! But I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations!  
  
false-image – I don't know when they'll find one another... but hopefully not too soon!  
  
tiger-of-ice – Thanks for the review! Have a cookie! Actually, all of you can have cookies!!!  
  
Lychee Fairy – 2 things: Your reviews are all freaking long!!! Not that I mind, but man! I never put even half of what you do down! Thanks! And stop belittling yourself! You're the best friend anyone could ever hope to have! You are always there when I need you! Your review for chapter 10 nearly made me cry... You mean more to me than you could possibly ever understand. I will always be there for you. So stop being sad, and smile. Because your smiles make me happy, and I will always care for you! SO SMILE!!! Or Dranzer will eat you... Bwahaha...  
  
DragonPhoenix77 – Short and to the point! Just like moi! See, I know French. I'm smart!   
  
Sharon – GOMEN!!! I thought this was pg-13... GOMEN!!!!!  
  
kaytast – I have a cool story? YAY!!! Thanks for the review!  
  
Glaive Of Fury – Poor, poor Kai. Oh well, he's a bishie... that's gotta count for something...  
  
PainOfAnguish – Candy??? I WANT CANDY!!! Here! I give you review and you give me candy, otay? PLEASE????????  
  
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GOB: Wow, 17 reviews... False-image, I know my updates are rare, but I'm sorry I just don't have much free time!!! Oh and do you people even read my replies? Make sure to let me know! ON WITH THE CHAPTER!!!!!  
  
Kai, Tala: About time...  
  
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**The Bladebreakers**   
  
The others all glanced at the silent laptop. Rei sighed and said, "Well, out with it! Where is that captain of ours?"  
  
One word met him.  
  
"England."  
  
"England..." Max repeated softly, and then suddenly said, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"  
  
The others suddenly started madly dashing around, getting all their stuff together so they could leave at once, when Dizzi spoke up, saying in a bitter voice,  
  
"What if he doesn't want to be found? You have to account for that! Kai may have left because it was what is best for him!" The others looked shocked, then Tyson once again let his temper take over him.  
  
"WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW??? YOU'RE JUST A SARCASTIC BITBEAST TRAPPED IN A FREAKING LAPTOP!!!"  
  
With that Tyson stomped out, to finish packing. The others, glancing at one another, followed suit. Max paused by Dizzi, and said softly,  
  
"We know what your saying, but we have to talk to him. He's our friend, and a good one at that, we have to at least try. Even if we don't get him back, we have to try. Kai always told us to never sit down, but to always try our best, and when defeat comes, accept it. That's what we all have to do now. And we could sure use all the help we can get."  
  
With that, Max turned around and quickly started packing his own belongings.  
  
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**Still The Bladebreakers**   
  
Dizzi waited quietly in her laptop abode, pondering Max's words... She sighed softly, and thought to herself,  
  
"I hope I'm doing the right thing letting them find him Dranzer. I know you asked me to just give Kai some time, but no one could have seen how Kai leaving would affect them... They were all hit extremely hard, but Max more so. He seems to have matured overnight... no longer innocent... The look in his eyes... I'm positive that things aren't what they seem, but it still worries me. Please forgive me for breaking my word. Although, this may end of being the best for everyone, even Kai and Tala.  
  
We can't interfere... this is something that they have to get through... together..."  
  
The Bladebreakers packed up all their belongings and Kenny grabbed Dizzi on their way out the door, and towards the airport. They choose to take the plane as it was faster and they couldn't risk the chance of missing Kai once more.  
  
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**Kai & Tala**   
  
(I know, about time!)  
  
"Hey Kai, you busy?" Tala called out, running his hands through his now neatly brushed hair. He didn't even wait for an answer before entering his friend's room.  
  
"Will you ever learn to wait?" Kai asked, rolling his eyes. He stood in the middle of his room, wearing nothing but his pants, using a towel to dry his unruly hair.  
  
"Perhaps... When you learn to use a freaking hairdryer!" Tala shot back good- naturedly. He flopped on the bed and gazed out the window. "So what do you want to do?"  
  
Kai sighed and tossed his towel on the floor and finished dressing. "I don't know. Why don't we just wander around?"  
  
"Walk around with no purpose except to create shadows and waste precious oxygen? Works for me." Tala said with a faint smirk on his face, which was immediately wiped off when a hairbrush nearly missed his head.  
  
"Damn." Kai murmured, to which Tala swiftly asked,  
  
"What?"  
  
Kai gazed at him, then said calmly,  
  
"I missed."  
  
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**The Bladebreakers**   
  
Max, Rei, Kenny, and Tyson sat in their seats, mentally urging the plane to hurry to London. Unfortunately, all the ordering, pleading, begging, and cursing in the world couldn't get the plane to go any faster than it was already.  
  
Tyson sat next to the window, and nervously sipped at his drink every thirty seconds. He must have gone through over ten drinks already, but no one seemed to notice. They had much better things to think about, than Tyson's drinking habit. ... (GOB: No, he's not going to get drunk.)  
  
Kenny sat next to Tyson. He hadn't let his eyes wander anywhere other than the screen of his laptop. He kept trying to pinpoint Kai's exact location. It was increasingly difficult as Dizzi was, unusually, being extremely uncooperative. Nevertheless, Kenny kept working. He was determined not to give up until he found Kai...  
  
Rei sat on the aisle seat right behind Kenny. He had tried to pass the time by playing solitaire. Using the little tray thing he set up the cards, and began methodically setting the cards, hardly paying any attention to the game. Solitaire... Solitary... It seemed to fit Kai. Kai always seemed to prefer being alone, being one. The game solitaire is played by one and one alone. Almost the way Kai insists on playing the game of life...  
  
Max gazed out the window; a new, empty page of his journal lay in front of him, along with a dark blue pen. The others had noticed how hard Kai's disappearance had hit Max. They had avoided the topic mostly because they couldn't think of anything to make themselves feel any better, much less someone else. As Max gazed out the window, he could see the clouds drifting by, changing their shape so effortlessly. He sighed; thinking just hurt so much. He let his gaze drift along until it reached his wrist, covered in its usual gloves. He closed his eyes tightly as he remembered the color of his blood, the blood that had seeped through the two thin slits he had made in his wrist just before the plane took off. He had disappeared for a moment, and then had returned. The others were too preoccupied to notice, so no one questioned him.  
  
No one ever questioned his short, but purposeful, disappearances. Well, almost no one...  
  
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**Max's Journal Entry   
**  
I know the scars are still there. The older ones may be fading, but new ones are always taking their place.  
  
Right now, we're on a plane to London, to find Kai. It turns out that he is NOT alone, but with Tala. It hurts. It hurts to know that he couldn't trust us with his pain, but that he trusted Tala instead. Especially after what happened in the Russian tournament.  
  
It still seems like a dark, dark dream, no nightmare. It hurt us to know that Kai hadn't considered us as friends, but come on, who could blame him? We were all so immature and never gave him the space he desperately needed. After all, Kai is Kai, and nothing will ever be able to change that.  
  
I still remember overhearing part of a conversation they had, right before we left the stadium after Tyson's victory. I heard Tala saying that nothings changed between them, that nothing ever would. I guess I took it for granted that he meant that they would always hate one another and would never become friends.  
  
But now that I think about it. I think he meant that even after all that happened, they would always remain friends. I guess it's a good thing that Kai does indeed have at least one very good friend that he trusts with everything. Still, I wish that friend could've been me, or any of the Bladebreakers.  
  
We are always saying that Kai's our friend, but we don't know anything about him. Nothing at all...  
  
I'm really beginning to think that we all don't know much about one another. I mean, I don't know the names of Rei's parents, or whether or not he has any siblings. I don't know what happened to Tyson's mom, or if he is an only child or not. And Kenny, I have no clue as to how Dizzi got trapped in that laptop, or how good/bad of a beyblader he was before that.  
  
It's strange to think you are such great and close friends with someone, but not really know them at all. With Kai, it's really obvious that we don't know much about him, but you'd think we knew a lot about one another.  
  
Maybe... just maybe, if they did know a lot about me, they'd know about my scars, about the color of blood I shed, about the times I couldn't take it anymore, and cut my wrists out of pain, anger, helplessness.  
  
And if they did know all that, maybe they'd be able to help me. Just like Kai did. Just like Kai always does.  
  
As much as we all love to call Kai a cold loner, and yes, we DO enjoy calling him that, he's still been there for us more than we have been for him, or each other. He gave up his fight against Michael at the American Tournament so I could blade. Sure, he said he didn't feel like blading that day anyway, but I am completely positive that he did want to blade. When he beyblade's he seems to completely light up, and becomes something you just can't help but admire  
  
We respect him, but true admiration can only be attained from someone completely well rounded, like Kai. But even he needs help sometimes, and I wish I could help, but I don't know what to do. I wish... I just wish I could help...  
  
I just wish there was more I could do...  
  
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**The Bladebreakers**   
  
As Max put away his journal and put away his pen, he resumed staring out the window, but not before letting a few precious tears spill. He quickly wiped them away leaving no trace.  
  
Rei stopped his game, and heard a voice whisper softly, "I just wish there was more I could do..." He glanced immediately at Max, but nothing in the blonde's demeanor seemed to suggest any of the agony of what Rei had just heard. He wrote it off as his imagination and went back to playing solitaire.  
  
Tyson took another sip of his soda. Kenny tapped the keys on his laptop. All was wrong with the Bladebreakers.  
  
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**Kai & Tala**   
  
- Wandering The Streets -  
  
Kai and Tala walked side y side through the crowded streets of London, neither one really caring where they were going. They just went wherever their feet took them.  
  
And their feet took them into the dark alleyways. Even in the morning light, the alleys were filled with shadows.  
  
They heard loud angry voices coming from somewhere up ahead, then the unmistakable sound of a bone breaking and a child's scream...  
  
Without a word, Kai shot forward towards the sound, with Tala following closely behind.  
  
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**Mr. Dickinson**   
  
(GOB: Hehe, I forgot about him! Here's an update from the world of the balding buffoon!)  
  
Mr. Dickinson sat quietly at his desk, gazing out the window, but seeing nothing.  
  
He was deeply worried and troubled that the Bladebreakers had lost Kai in Russia, and even more so that he was traveling with Tala Ivanov. In Mr. Dickinson's opinion, Kai and Tala were better off completely apart from one another. They were both incredibly powerful and if anyone got hold of both of their powers, the results would be incredibly devastating.  
  
He sighed and got up. He walked over to his filing cabinet and unlocked the bottom drawer. He pulled it open and began ruffling through files until he found the one he was searching for.  
  
He closed the drawer, but left it unlocked. He carried the file and set it down on his desk. He then sat down heavily and stared at the file for a few moments. He let out another deep sigh and opened the file.  
  
The file was filled with information on Kai and Tala's past together. It was one of the only files recovered from Boris, Voltaire and the abbey.  
  
It seemed that the immense friendship once help by these two was of little concern of Biovolt's.  
  
It shocked him to see what Kai and Tala had been subjected to, and how they'd pulled through together. It was seldom that only one of them got punished. It was always the two of them, together.  
  
They seemed to be incredibly close, all the Demolition Boys actually, but those two in particular. Stanley Dickinson closed his eyes thoughtfully.  
  
He wondered if that was why Kai had confided in Tala. Even if they were on opposite sides, could their friendship prevail? Could their bond be strong enough to pull them through the pain they had been subjected throughout their whole lives?  
  
He could only hope so. He couldn't even begin to fantasize or imagine the horrors they had seen, and at such young, impressionable ages. He knew many people would not have been able to break through the darkness, but those two had.  
  
He suddenly remembered what his predecessor, the old head of the BBA, had once told him about Kai,  
  
"If there will be anyone who'll shock the world into change, it will be that boy, Kai Hiwatari. He has the spirit, intelligence, heart and soul of a true warrior. Tala Ivanov is also a strong candidate, but my money's on Kai... It always will be. Even if he does something that would seem incredibly stupid and heartless to a normal person, he always manages to get something worthwhile out of it. The world needs more people who are able to stretch their wings. Keep an eye on him Stanley he may just surprise you. In fact, I'm counting on it."  
  
Every day Kai was proving him right, and Dickinson was favorably impressed.  
  
(GOB: Well? What do you people think?)  
  
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**Once Again, Kai And Tala!**   
  
As they made their ways towards the noise, they saw something that utterly disgusted them.  
  
There were to cruel looking teenagers, probably only a year or two older than Kai or Tala beating up on a kid who couldn't have been more than ten.  
  
"Just give us the blade and everything else you got kid, and we won't hafta hurt ya!"  
  
The little boy shuddered and took another step backwards. His nose was bleeding and he had a black eye. He also looked incredibly terrified.  
  
Tala noticed that Kai's eyes had turned into very dark, very angry, slits of molten lava. Dangerous... He knew Kai was going to blow up at this...  
  
30 Minutes Later   
  
Kai and Tala leaned against the wall, both bleeding slightly. Kai pushed himself off the wall and went over to the young boy who was now sitting in shock.  
  
"Hey kid, you okay?" Kai asked gruffly, to which the boy nodded and then, Kai just turned around and walked away, with Tala trailing behind, leaving the boy staring in pure wonder.  
  
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**Still Tala And Kai**   
  
(GOB: Felt badly about always saying Kai and Tala... Tala deserves top billing sometimes!)  
  
Tala lounged on his bed. Kai was taking a shower, to clean off all the blood. Tala's wet hair dripped on the bedspread.  
  
He studied the pattern. It was a deep, dark, icy blue on the background, with little pale blue/violet snowflakes. He searched for two that were alike, but even on this fabric; they were completely different, unique, yet all the same in some way.  
  
He sighed and pulled out his journal. He knew Kai well enough to know that Kai took extremely long showers after getting into a fight.  
  
Tala pulled out a purple pen (Dun ask why...) and began to write.  
  
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**Tala's Journal Entry   
**  
(GOB: Sorry if the rest of the chapter is rushed, I really want to finish it quickly! GOMEN!!! GOMENESS TO ALL!!!)  
  
Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Bored... Still Bored... Still Bored... Still Bored... Still Bored... Still Bored... Still Bored... Still Bored... Still Bored... Even More Bored... Even More Bored... Even More Bored... Even More Bored... Even More Bored... Even More Bored... Even More Bored...  
  
God... There's NOTHING to do. Why the hell does Kai need to take those stupid extra-long showers? Waste of time...  
  
Though, I have to admit, I've never seen him move so fast. I knew he was a great fighter, but that, that was just incredible! He really seemed in tune with himself. I've seen him make many stupid, careless mistakes in street fights before, but he didn't seem to be allowing any mistakes...  
  
Kai: Defender Of The Weak...  
  
Heh, he would kill me if he ever got the chance to read that... But it's true what Bryan said all those years ago; Kai really does defend the weak.  
  
He can't stand just watching someone fight someone else that they couldn't possibly defeat, so he always takes it upon himself to even the odds, but only when he's sure that no one's around. I guess he just doesn't like to be thought of as a decent guy...  
  
Still... He is a pretty good guy, not like the Bladebreakers good, but his own way. He always seems to have his own way of doing things.  
  
He's still in the shower... for God's sake, what takes him so long... It's lunch and I'm starving... I bet I could out-eat Tyson... now that, would be an accomplishment!!!  
  
Speaking... or is it writing? Of accomplishments, Kai told me the strangest thin a few days ago.  
  
He was saying how disappointed he was, how he hadn't accomplished anything. It shocked me, I mean here he is, a famous world-class beyblader, friend s/allies with over half the world, greatly respected and admired, how could he not have achieved something?  
  
And I told him that. His answer really worried me. He said,  
  
"Because no one can know who I am until I find out myself."  
  
It really worried me. Kai was always the strongest person I knew. But hearing him say stuff like that hit me hard. I guess I just didn't want to believe that someone whom I admired so much didn't think he was that great. It was strange, because, for some reason I'm still not sure of, that comment made just me admire him all the more.  
  
I don't always understand what Kai means, but I don't care. Kai is the type of person who prefers to let you figure things out yourself, only offering hints and questions. I've learned more from him in a day than I have from any other person for however long I know them. And nothing will ever change that.  
  
I will never let anyone change that. Kai's too damn important to me to do that. He's not only my best friend, but he's also like a brother to me. There aren't many people who I can believe in without a reason, so I cherish those I can.  
  
Something Kai taught me a while ago, was to never let anyone choose the course of your future...  
  
'You can't let anyone choose how your future, how your very destiny, plays out. Only you can decide which paths to take, which dreams to fulfill, and which horrors to survive. You can't give anyone else the chance to make these decisions for you. Or they will control you. Even your dearest and most cherished friends must stand aside and give you the time and solitude in which to find your way. Only you can be your savior.'  
  
And he was right. I just hope the Bladebreakers will let Kai make his choice.  
  
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**Kai And Tala   
**  
Kai walked out of the steaming shower and got dressed. As he walked past Tala's bedroom, he noticed the door was wide open He glanced a Tala and frowned.  
  
Tala was gazing at nothing, with a very deep, serious, somewhat remorseful, expression on his pale face.  
  
Kai stopped for a moment, then resumed his way. He decided to give Tala time to go through his thoughts, instead of just barging in.  
  
And hour.  
  
Then, he would barge in and demand to know what was going on.  
  
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**Bryan's P.O.V.**   
  
(GOB: Yes, Bryan. I decided I wanted to add another Demolition Boy. I'm going to start capitalizing on the relationships of the Demolition Boys and Kai, maybe at least... Once again, NO ROMANCE!)  
  
It's been three days since I last heard from Tala and Kai. I have no idea what the hell is going on.  
  
Last time I talked to them, they were both in a melancholy mood, which surprised me. Usually they try to fake that they're fine, but this time they didn't even bother to try and hide what they were feeling.  
  
Then again, that may be a good thing.  
  
Both of those guys keep too much hidden on the inside. It's not good for them, or those around them. We all hate to see them trying so hard to keep us from worrying, always trying to protect us, Kai especially.  
  
Many people probably think we hate Kai, but that's completely retarded. It takes more than a switch of teams to break our friendships. We are too close to let that happen.  
  
Kai was always trying to protect us. If one of us were going to be punished, he would try his hardest to take the blame and be the only one punished. If that didn't work, he'd then make sure to pretend he had some major part in whatever got us in trouble, and get usually three times the punishment.  
  
Just because he was Voltaire's grandson and the supposed 'perfect warrior' they treated him much worse than anyone else, even those who sought to bring down Biovolt.  
  
I swear, if they don't contact me soon, I'm going after them myself. Screw that, I'm going to get an ARMY to search for them!  
  
But I hope it won't come to that. They both need some time to clear their heads...  
  
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**Kai**   
  
Kai walked back into his room after getting a quick bite to eat. He had also grabbed Tala some lunch and left that on the counter. He'd give it to Tala when he confronted him.  
  
He sighed and lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment. He was bored.  
  
He reached over and pulled out his journal, frowning when he realized he had already used a little over half of the book. He sighed and pulled out his pen and began to write.  
  
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**Max's P.O.V.**   
  
Why can't I get over the scars from the past? It hurts to remember, but, looking at Kai, I guess it hurts to forget too.  
  
I can't imagine forgetting everything at such a young age, especially my parents. Even though they never got along, even though most of my memories are of them arguing, even if I don't see my mother for long periods of time, I don't know how I could ever live without them.  
  
Then again, I don't know how I can live with them. I first started to cut myself when they began their arguing, or 'discussing' as they put it. But I am no fool, nor am I naive as people make me out to be.  
  
All that yelling, day in, day out. It got so bad that sometimes I tried to get in trouble with my teachers, tried to get held after school, all so I wouldn't have had to go home.  
  
It wasn't a home anymore, but a battleground.  
  
I never told anyone about that except for Kai. And I sometimes don't understand why.  
  
I guess that there's just some part of Kai, some part that makes you know that he'll listen, that he'll care, that he would understand. Understand anything and everything. He always seems to be ready with some solution, but only when we've managed to pull ourselves out of whatever mood we've gotten ourselves into.  
  
It takes a person more than being smart, organized and strong to make a good leader. Kai wasn't a good leader...  
  
He was a gret one...  
  
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**Rei's P.O.V.**   
  
Red five of diamonds, put on black four or clubs. Black four of clubs, put on red three of diamonds...  
  
Rei, you're playing a retarded card game to try to forget about your problems...  
  
Great now you're talking to yourself, or, well, thinking to yourself...  
  
Man, I must be losing it. Trying to be the calm, mature, older one is beginning to make me insane. I have no idea how Kai can take all this pressure.  
  
Then again, he's always been able to stay calm under pressure. It was most likely a part of his training, in the abbey.  
  
How any human being could force someone to become his or her war machines is unbelievable to me. Voltaire is a man more evil than I thought before. Kai is his grandson, his own flesh and blood, yet he treated him mercilessly.  
  
No one could ever do anything bad enough to deserve what Kai's been through. But Kai always acts like it doesn't bother him, like it doesn't mean anything.  
  
Sometimes I wonder if that's just an act, or the truth...  
  
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**Tyson's P.O.V.   
**  
I've been through over twenty drinks... The airplane chick keeps staring at me, like I'm going to explode.  
  
I bet she wouldn't stare at Kai if did something like this... Then again, with Kai's looks, she'd be insane to. He always seemed to look dangerous.  
  
Maybe it was his clothes, or the glare that was permanently etched onto his face.  
  
No, I know better than that. It was the way he held himself, and the way his eyes bored right through you as if you were absolutely nothing.  
  
And compared to him, you aren't.  
  
Kai's been through so much, and still manages to fight on, to make sure nobody tries to walk over him. It takes a lot of courage and passion to keep yourself from just giving in.  
  
There were plenty of times where I was ready to just throw in the towel and give up. But Kai always stopped me. He always gave me some sort of reason, in his unobtrusive and indirect way.  
  
Too bad I couldn't return the favor...  
  
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**Kenny's P.O.V.**   
  
I can't seem to find Kai anywhere...  
  
It's always the same answer; London, like that helps us! London is a huge place with many people. Trying to find Kai without a bit more guidance would be impossible.  
  
Normally when I come across a problem that seems impossible, I went to Kai. He would point me off in the right direction, then leave me too figure the rest on my own.  
  
That's what really impressed me most about him.  
  
He always made sure to guide us, not tell us what to do when it came to the important things. He was the real beyblade genius of the team, not me.  
  
But he still let me stay with the team. I know for a fact that he didn't have to. But I'm grateful he did. Thanks to him, I've learned so much about beyblading, and life in general, than I would have staying at home...  
  
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**Kai's Journal Entry**   
  
I've never really understood why I always kept to myself, all the hurt and pain I go through. It's almost as if I can't let anyone get near me.  
  
Pretending that nothing bothers me, like I am the cold-hearted warrior of Biovolt.  
  
  
  
I've always pretended to be fine, to not let anything get me down. Yet no one can be strong all the time. It is just impossible to be not driven over the edge at some point in your lifetime.  
  
Having to make your own choices in life can drive you over the edge. But you have to make your own choices.  
  
You can't let anyone choose how your future, how your very destiny, plays out. Only you can decide which paths to take, which dreams to fulfill, and which horrors to survive. You can't give anyone else the chance to make these decisions for you. Or they will control you. Even your dearest and most cherished friends must stand aside and give you the time and solitude in which to find your way. Only you can be your savior.  
  
That's something I told Tala, Bryan, Spencer and Ian, back when we were all in the abbey, tired, hurt, and angry. Ready to give in to my grandfather's wrath.  
  
But I couldn't allow myself to become his willing puppet. It was not something I was willing to do. I refused to give in, and I refused to let my friends give in on themselves.  
  
Even to them I pretended.  
  
That I was fine, that nothing could bring me down.  
  
But it was worth it.  
  
Worth it to know that my friends were believed me; that they to wouldn't give in and become mindless slaves to Biovolt.  
  
If I had a chance to re-write the past, the only change I'd make would be too have done it sooner. I don't mind having such a horrible past, as long as I can ensure that I, nor my friends, will make the same mistakes in the future.  
  
The past isn't something to dwell on, but something to learn from...  
  
I'm pretending  
  
Living in a land of make believe

Pretending I'm not mad  
  
That I don't care  
  
  
  
Fooling myself  
  
Into believing lies  
  
That your actions don't hurt me  
  
Oh, I hide my wounds so well  
  
  
  
False world  
  
Where I'm not in love  
  
Heart of stone  
  
I've no feelings  
  
  
  
But you couldn't care less  
  
Whether or not I'm in pain  
  
Not of your concern  
  
Until I bleed on the white carpet  
  
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Owari   
  
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GOB: PHEW! Finally done! Hope this super-long chapter makes up for being so late, and I have amazingly great news:  
  
A SHORT STORY I WROTE IS NOW GOING TO BE PUBLISHED FOR ALL OF CANADA TO READ!!! THE STORY I WROTE IN DANGEROUS MEMORIES THAT Akira TOLD RIA IS GOING TO BE PUBLISHED!!! YAY FOR ME!!! THE THIRD TIME I'VE BEEN PUBLISHED!!! WOOT! I LURVE THE WORLD!!! (THE WORLD... NOT THE PEOPLE! )  
  
Kai: Review now or be destroyed by Dranzer. Plus, maybe I'll update sooner!  
  
GOB: Oh! And false-image, if you have msn, add me! Then you can nag me into updating all the time! Besides, it would be fun to chat with you! My e- mails in my profile thing! C-YA! 


	12. Isolated

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Isolated   
  
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GOB: Finally an update! Sorry about the delays, but I had things to deal with. I hope I haven't lost all my readers!  
  
Kai: No, I'm not that lucky.  
  
GOB: Kai ish very mean pouts  
  
Tala: Here are the thanks to reviewers:  
  
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**Aku dark silver kitsune** - Don't worry, none of that happened! And knives don't scare me so there! Barbies and Barney do... deep shudder  
  
**Phoenix the 1st** – Thanks! I did update Dangerous Memories, so go read!!! Tsk, tsk, you need to study more!!!  
  
**Sacred Phoenix** – Aww, thanks! Lot's of people like the Kai staying with Tala option. But like I've said before, there will be NO romance in this fic!  
  
**Kai-lovr** – Yay! Poor Max... But like they say, you hurt the ones you love! And I love Max-Kun! But Kai-Kun is still my fave followed by Tally-Wally!  
  
**DarkVixenOfLight** – I'm really sorry for your friend, but please read the note right after the thanks! As to proofreading, if spell check doesn't find it, it was meant to be!  
  
**Anime Reader** – MY KAI-FIC IS YOUR FAVE?!?!? YAY! I hope you haven't forgotten about my story!  
  
**Hiwatari-gurl** – Lol, you really do love Tala!  
  
**Lefty** – Yay! Another Tala fan! I'm glad some people read my replies! I try hard to make them sound smart and thoughtful! Which is hard for an OUTsane person like me! I'm too far from SHEEP sanity to be insane... PICKLES!!!   
  
**Broken-Wings-Of-Rain** – Read the note at the end. Cutters are just humans with either no purpose or a purpose to great for any mere person to understand.  
  
**ComputerDevil** – Lol, I only fixed it up because the quick edit thing screwed up the rest of the chapter!  
  
**Kazeilla** – Lol, I thought that was a pretty good chapter too! I hope you finish your picture soon; I really want to see it!  
  
**False-image** – I'm glad you liked the saying! Hehe, I made it up on the spot!!!  
  
**GreyCloud** – Short and sweet! Thank you very much!  
  
**Syaoran-Lover** – Max cutting himself was the outcome of me being very pissed off at my family and cutting myself. I really wanted more D-Boys in my fic so I added more! I don't even know half the answers to your questions! All my fics are made up as I go along!  
  
**Demon's-gurl** – I'm glad you liked it! I liked it too! Well, not really... Not enough Tala-Kun and Kai-Kun...  
  
**MasterFranny** – I think I may have the Majestic's play a small role in the next few chapters... You'll just have to wait and read. I don't even know what'll be in the chapter until I write it!  
  
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!!!IMPORTANT NOTE!!!  
  
**I had Max as a CUTTER in my last chapter. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means someone who slits their own wrists a.k.a. self- mutilation. I have gotten a few e-mails regarding cutting, suicide, ect. I want to state that I am in no way promoting this!!! I have been slitting my wrists for years now, but I am NOT suicidal. Not everyone who slits his or her wrists is suicidal. I slit my wrists because it helps me deal with life. When you've just gone so numb and you can't feel anything, you search for an answer. My answer was cutting. I use it to help me release all the pent-up anger inside of me, on me. I do not try to kill myself. Unfortunately, there ARE people who slit to kill themselves and if you discover someone cutting, do not just turn away, because you never know what the outcome could be! Never turn around and pretend everything's all right or that nothing happened. I've made the mistake of not taking enough action and lost a very good friend. I can still remember the date, time and place when I discovered she was dead. You can't get pain like that from anywhere else. Even if you don't know that person taking the pills, standing on the ledge of a bridge, holding the knife, help them. You wouldn't want to lose someone close to you, but if you just walk away, you're letting another person, maybe even many people, go through the agony of loss. Never just walk away.  
**  
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GOB: Okay, I think that's all, except for this  
  
I UPDATED DANGEROUS MEMORIES SO CHECK IT OUT!!!  
  
Tala: On with the fic!  
  
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**The Bladebreakers**  
  
The four remaining Bladebreakers arrived early in the morning to their destination, London, England. Fighting off jetlag, they drudged out of the plane and into the gloomy airport.  
  
Or gloomy to them at least. They could see groups of friends and families happily greeting each other. It felt as if the whole world was mocking them.  
  
Tired expressions adorned each of their faces along with large bags under their eyes and tousled hair. They got their luggage and dragged it out to a waiting Taxicab. They all piled into the musty interior and drifted off into their own minds as the scenery of London slipped by, each thinking of different things. Would they find Kai? Would he come back to the team? What would they do differently if/when he came back? Why were they so blind to his pain?  
  
The last question would seem almost obvious to those on the outside, those who could see the truth. But those few were too uncertain to speak up. They too succumbed to the selfishness that plagues our world today, as it did in the days before, and yes, even the days to come.  
  
They thought everything was all right, because they wanted too. They wanted their lives to be perfect, but dealing with the pain of another would upset that. So they pretended. They acted. They ignored. They let the pain of others slip past them, for they were too selfish. In wishing and vying for 'perfection', or at least society's vision of it, they stopped caring for one another. They let their friends, their families, and their enemies slowly succumb to the power of pain. The pain left untouched by the kindness and care of a true friend. There, in the power of pain, Kai lost himself.  
  
All because the selfish needs of his 'friends' seemed to outweigh the hope needed to keep Kai above the pain. For hope is the air that souls breathe. Without hope, the soul will suffocate. And as it slowly suffocates, more pain in brought into the world, resulting in less hope, less air, and more dieing souls.  
  
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**Spencer's P.O.V.**  
  
( I've decided, that additional to a journal entry each from Kai, Tala and Max, I will also do a P.O.V. of a Demolition Boy each chapter, so be sure to vote for who's P.O.V. you'd like!!! )  
  
I'm worried... As much as I hate to say it, the fact that neither Kai nor Tala have bothered to get in contact with us for a while now is eating me alive. What on earth could be so god damn important that they forgot to drop us a line? Sometimes I really wonder if those two aren't just doing this to drive me mental. It wouldn't be the first time...  
  
Kai and Tala were the biggest idiots you could ever hope NOT to cross when they were younger. The Duo were pretty notorious for their pranks, and nothing could stop them from pulling prank after prank after unbelievable prank.  
  
I swear, if Ian doesn't stop asking me if I've heard from Kai or Tala every five freaking minutes... I'M GOING TO MURDER THOSE TWO NIMRODS!!! And then lock Ian in a cupboard.  
  
This is just like old times... Those two never let anyone stop them.  
  
Not even all the beatings, all the punishments, all the threats could bring them down. They weren't willing to give up their childhood that easily. Bryan, Ian and I were also pretty horrible too, but we would sometimes succumb to the pain.  
  
I know for a fact that Tala won't let Kai drown in the pain alone. They are too damn close to allow that too happen to the other. None of us would allow that to happen.  
  
The abbey was supposed to break any bonds that we had with others, to separate us from the rest of humanity. But instead, it did the opposite... our bonds were strengthened, to the point where no one could ever get us to betray one another.  
  
Through everything I've gone through, I went through it not alone, but with Kai, Tala, Bryan and Ian by my side. We've always shared one another's pain, and each other's triumphs...  
  
Actually, that's not completely true...  
  
Kai was the odd man out. He never told us about the pain he went through. He had us share in his joys, but his pain was just that. His. Not ours. He hated seeing us in pain, and would do anything he could to keep us from having to go through anymore than absolutely necessary.  
  
(GOB: Just a note to you all, but my Internet is fucked up right now! Telus has to go and repair the whole bloody connection! I for one find it pretty amusing, but very annoying!)  
  
I remember waking up once during the darkest time of night, and watching Kai drag his battered body to bed. He was completely covered in bruises and cuts. I remember bolting straight up in bed and demanding to know what had happened to him.  
  
He just said he was mouthing off about Boris and Boris caught him.  
  
I always doubted that, but left it alone. I knew it brought Kai a lot of pain to talk about what his real punishments were. He was already going through enough. I also knew that it made him feel better about himself if he thought he was protecting us from any sort of pain; physical or psychological.  
  
He was always trying his best to do what was right, but what was right always seemed to end up making him miserable, making him give some huge sacrifice that seemed to kill him. Boris and Voltaire could never break Kai with their 'punishments' and words, but whenever Kai gave up something to do the right thing, it seemed to break him, piece by piece.  
  
That was how Black Dranzer was created...  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**The Bladebreakers**  
  
The Bladebreakers, after making it to their hotel, all collapsed exhausted into their hotel room.  
  
Rei and Tyson fell asleep almost instantly, whereas Kenny once again tried to search for Kai's exact location. Dizzi was still being unhelpful, and doing her best to distract Kenny, but to no avail.  
  
Max had left the gloomy atmosphere, heading towards a park they had passed on their way. He wanted to try and clear his thoughts, so he set out with his jacket, a pen and his little journal.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Tala**  
  
Tala gazed at nothing, the serious thoughts going through his mind were shown to the world only by the deep frown where his normal arrogant expression usually lay. Thoughts darted through his mind going this way and that way, not making any true sense, but melding together to form a deep concentration that could not be broken by any mortal ways.  
  
As he lay on his bed, fingers absentmindedly tracing the pattern of a large snowflake, his gaze drifted out to the scene in the window. It had begun to rain extremely hard, with the wind whipping back and forth. He could hear the rain hammering on the window, but paid it no attention. What had caught his attention had been purely the sight of the rain.  
  
After all, it had been raining the day he, Kai and the others had first stepped foot inside the Abbey...  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Max**  
  
"Why me?" Max muttered under his breath. He was currently standing under the cover of a bus stop booth. The torrential rains had forced him to flee the park in search of shelter. As his hotel was too far away, he ended up sitting on the cold, hard, metal bench.  
  
He was completely alone, that is until a gruff voice interrupted his moping.  
  
"Oy, scoot over and... Max? Mizuhura Max?!?"  
  
Max looked up and the intruder and felt his eyes widen. The two stared at one another in shock for a good three minutes before Max managed a feeble,  
  
"Hey Johnny..."  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
GOB: Yes! It's Johnny from the Majestics! Making his debut appearance on Depth!!!  
  
Kai: sarcastic voice Yay...  
  
Tala: sarcastic voice Joy...  
  
Max: voice Woot!  
  
GOB: U  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Kai's P.O.V.**  
  
Only another five minutes before I can barge in... Damn it... Why couldn't I have decided on half an hour?  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Tala And Kai**  
  
Tala continued to gaze out the window until he was, rather rudely, hit in the face with a wrapped fajita. (GOB: I don't know why... Just keep reading!)  
  
He shot straight up and looked wildly around the room. His eyes finally rested on a smirking, two-toned bluenette leaning against the doorframe.  
  
"What the hell was that for???" Tala demanded getting up angrily. Kai just rolled his crimson eyes and responded cockily with,  
  
"Giving you lunch. That's why you got hit with a fajita, Einstein."  
  
Tala glanced at the fajita and scratched his head slightly, "Oops..."  
  
As Tala unwrapped his lunch and began to eat, Kai studied him carefully. There was no trace of any pain or concern. He was back to being just Tala. Kai smiled softly and thought, "If he seems fine, I'll leave it alone... for now."  
  
The two boys just sat around Tala's room and talked about everything and anything, as long as it had nothing to do with anything bearing serious thought.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Max And Now, Johnny!**  
  
"Hey Johnny..."  
  
Johnny McGregor gazed in utter and complete shock at the happy-go-lucky, blonde, American beyblader. The kid who always had a smile on his bright face was now slumped against the wall of the bus stop booth, gazing miserably at him.  
  
"Hey, what's wrong? You're not your usual sugar-high, happy self." Johnny questioned as he sat down next to the blonde. He had never thought he'd see a day when Mizuhura Max looked down in the dumps, or if he was, he'd have Tyson, Rei and Kenny cheering him up... thinking of which, were no where to be seen.  
  
"Try asking what's right... you'll get a much, much shorter list... besides, I wouldn't know where to start." Max responded glumly, slouching even more.  
  
Johnny sighed and couldn't help but mutter, "And I thought Kai was the cynical, pessimistic one..." He froze when he saw the flash in Max's eyes. His mind slowly understood, "This has something to do with Hiwatari, doesn't it?" When Max nodded half-heartedly, Johnny was silent for a moment, before stating, "Then I guess you better start at the beginning."  
  
And that's just what Max did.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Kai And Tala**  
  
Kai glanced at the wall and let out a short string of swears. Tala looked mildly surprised, but just asked lazily,  
  
"What now?"  
  
Kai sent a dark, murderous glare towards his friend, before answering with a slight edge to his voice,  
  
"I have to call the others. By now, Spencer's probably thinking we're not keeping in touch just to drive him mental, Bryan's probably called the freaking army on us and Ian... he's probably made things worse with Spencer and Bryan by asking every five minutes if we've called yet..."  
  
Tala snickered and replied, arrogantly as always, "Just like the good old, bad old, days!"  
  
Kai just rolled his eyes up towards Heaven as if asking what he had done in a past life to deserve this.  
  
As he left the room he heard Tala turn on the radio and start softly singing to the song, he smiled softly...  
  
"I must've saved all of the bloody Universe in one of my past lives..."  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Tala**  
  
Tala looked around his room and groaned... Once again, he was completely bored. He pulled out his journal and immediately scowled.  
  
The binding was already beginning to come undone. Why was it he could never keep anything but his beyblade, clothes and hair in good condition?  
  
He rummaged through his bag for a pen. Then he gave up. He rummaged through the drawers for a pencil. Then he gave up. He searched the floor for something to write with. Then he gave up. He finally dragged himself into the kitchen and grabbed the pen he had left in the refrigerator when he had gotten a drink.  
  
He called out to Kai to tell him that he was heading down to the main lobby of the hotel. He planned to spend some time there. Because of the rain, he couldn't go out, and he'd die if he had to spend another minute in that room. Maybe Kai was right about the whole claustrophobia thing...  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Max And Johnny**  
  
"YOU IDIOTS!!!"  
  
Max hung his head at Johnny's outburst. He knew that the Scottish teen was right. They had been total idiots. Kai's pain should have been obvious to them, especially after what had happened during the World Championships in Russia.  
  
Johnny sighed and then asked, in a somewhat softer voice, "So all you know is that he's somewhere in London?"  
  
Max looked up once more and nodded. "Kenny's been working twenty-four seven to pinpoint his exact location but Dizzi's being extremely uncooperative."  
  
Johnny shook his head. This seemed so unreal. He had always thought of Kai as someone who felt no pain, someone who could take whatever the world threw at him and throw it back with ten times the force. That was one of the reasons that he hated, and respected, Kai.  
  
Kai had been through so much in his life, more than you would think possible. He had dealt with the pain, all without drawing others in, without causing anyone to suffer with him.  
  
"Well, where do you think he'd go? Or maybe, where do you think Tala would be?"  
  
Johnny asked Max, but his mind was elsewhere. To him, it sort of made sense that Kai would trust Tala more than he would trust anyone else. After going through all that shit at the abbey, they had to have former some sort of bond. Johnny didn't care what anybody said, everyone, even cold-hearted, arrogant, bastards, needed someone they trusted to confide in.  
  
Max closed his eyes and thought, before answering in a dull voice, "I'm not all that sure. Although, they're probably spending most of their time in hotels. They obviously don't want to attract much attention."  
  
Johnny nodded, and replied, "That's probably right. Now all we have to do is figure out which hotel they're staying in."  
  
Max looked up surprised when he heard the "we". Johnny noticed this and sent Max his superior smirk and replied,  
  
"Yes, we. You don't think I'm just going to sit here and let Kai disappear, do you? That jerk still owes me a rematch!"  
  
Max smiled at Johnny and the two waited out the rest of the storm in companionable silence, with only the rain, the scritch scratch of Max's pen as he wrote in his journal and Johnny drumming his fingers against the bench in thought breaking the silence.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Max's Journal Entry  
**  
(GOB: Whew, about time I added a journal entry! 10 pages, of size 12 font, without one... wow!)  
  
Right now, even as I'm writing this, I'm sitting in a bus stop booth while it's pounding rain outside. To make it even more interesting, I'm sitting here on the metal bench with none other than Johnny McGregor of the Majestics. Even more intriguing, he's going to help us look for Kai...  
  
It's strange though. Even after I told Johnny that Kai was traveling with Tala, he didn't seem too surprised. It was almost as if he thought of a reason for those two to stick together. Actually, so can I. They've been through hell and back. Together. You just can't break a bond like that. Not over anything.  
  
There are a lot of times when I wondered about Kai and the Demolition Boyz. During the World Championships, after Kai had left their team and re-joined ours, they still seemed to not care. As if they had been expecting it, as if they had knew, almost like, almost like Kai had discussed his decision with them.  
  
I'm happy for Kai. After all he's had to deal with, he deserves someone, at least one person, whom he can confide in, can tell his greatest victories and more horrendous fears. If anyone asked me who Kai's confidant is, I could honestly answer it with any of the Demolition Boys, but especially Tala.  
  
I wonder who I would confide in, who I could trust with anything and everything. Everyone would probably think that my confidant is Tyson, or maybe Kenny or Rei. Actually, in all honesty, I think Kai may be the one person I can tell anything to. He may not have trusted me enough to confide in me, but he was always there when I needed help sorting my head, whenever I just needed someone to listen. After all, just because somebody doesn't talk much, and prefers to be alone most of the time, doesn't mean they don't listen. Think about it, a person who is a mute can still understand joy; can still understand pain.  
  
I think the fact that Kai let me confide in him without asking for anything in return just made me trust him all the more. It's easy to give things to someone and expect something in return, but not so easy to give something freely.  
  
I wonder if when the time comes, I'll be able to do that and help someone just the same way Kai helped me, but for the time being, every little bit helps.  
  
The rain just seems to keep coming down. If this keeps up, this bust stop booth may end up flooded, there's already a pool of water in the far east corner that's getting bigger every minute.  
  
Johnny seems to be thinking about something. He keeps drumming his fingers against the bench. Considering how well known England is, it's surprising that the Majestics don't have a team member from here.  
  
I think Johnny's just plain bored now. I'm going to end my entry here and talk with him for a while. Maybe he has some ideas on how to deal with talking to Kai when we find him.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Kai**  
  
Kai picked up the phone and put in the, what seemed like, hundred digit number. He lounged on the sofa, head on one armrest and his feet on the other. He let it ring what seemed to be over twenty times, before he heard Bryan's familiar voice over the answering machine.  
  
"You have reached Bryan, Tala, Spencer and Ian from the beyblading team, The Demolition Boyz. We..."  
  
Here, Kai could hear some scuffling and then voices;  
  
Ian – "Hey? Why do I get last billing???"  
  
Spencer – "Cause you're short! Now scram!"  
  
Bryan – "Will you guys let me finish already???"  
  
Tala – "Hey... the little red light is still on... I think it's still recording..."  
  
All Of Them – "WH..."  
  
The rest of their "WHAT" was cut off by the beep...  
  
Kai couldn't help but chuckle softly at that. It was so like them to screw up and never get around to fixing it.  
  
He then spoke swiftly into the phone, while staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Hey guys, it's me. Tala and I are currently in London, England. We're staying at some hotel and are both doing fine. If you need to contact us, try Tala's e-mail. Mine's been completely flooded by the Bladebreakers and Mr. Dickinson. I'll call you later. Bye."  
  
He then gazed out the window and slowly, but surely, fell into a deep sleep.  
  
Lying on the sofa, sleeping, he seemed to be almost peaceful.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Tala's Journal Entry  
**  
The lobby is pretty empty; I guess most people are just staying in their cozy, little rooms. Other than me, there's this creepy old guy who keeps glancing around the room as if the Police are going to rush in any second and bust him for some international crime. There's also this young blonde hottie sitting across from me. I swear she's staring at me... too bad she looks like a freaking prostitute... I may have gone out with her. Lastly, there's a normal, everyday, middle-aged, slightly balding, man drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.  
  
I wonder if Kai's called the others yet? I sure as hell hope he got the answering machine. We haven't contacted the others in forever; they're probably ready to kill us by now. Oh crap... The answering machine... Damn it, why didn't we ever get around to putting a proper message instead of that... little argument. I sounded like such a retard...  
  
Then again, we never really did try to hard to fix little mistakes like that. We always 'forgot' about them...  
  
The rain is really coming down. I wonder when we're going to ditch this city and move on. Kai plans on traveling to Australia or Mexico. Personally, I'm all for Australia. After all, I'm from Russia... I'd fucking melt in the heat of Mexico!  
  
Okay... That blonde chick is really starting to give me the creeps... I think I'll continue writing in the cafeteria.  
  
. . . . . . . .  
  
If I thought I was alone before, I am for sure now... there isn't a single person other than me in the room. It's pretty eerie actually. The lights were all off when I came in and I nearly killed myself tripping over a chair trying to find the light switch. No one must ever find out...  
  
There are a lot of things that no one must ever find out about me, but even more about Kai. It's not right... it's just not right. He always has to hide what he does, who he is! No one deserved that. I remember when the old head of the Beyblade Battle Association (BBA) told Kai that he was wise beyond his years and Kai had answered that that was his curse.  
  
I was just as confused as the old crone, but I don't think anybody could have guessed what Kai's explanation to that was... It was so obvious, yet so unthinkable. After I had thought about it for a while, it seemed to make perfect sense to me.  
  
A lot of what Kai had to say didn't seem to make much sense until you took some time to just sit down and think about it. He never liked to just come out and tell people what to do. He'd rather have them figure it out themselves and even if they lost, they would have learned how to deal with things themselves.  
  
Kai may not have said a lot, but whenever he did say something, it was usually something that could benefit others. I watched the tournaments in China and the United States of America. I saw how Kai gave out advice, without just telling the Bladebreakers how to win.  
  
That will always be something I respect in Kai. It takes a great leader to know when to step back and let his team learn things for themselves, even if it causes a loss...  
  
"It is my curse because wisdom destroys innocence. The destruction of a person's innocence is a punishment which not a single individual in this world, the past world and the future world will ever deserve."  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**The Bladebreakers**  
  
Kenny's fingers typed furiously, he was so close. He had finally had to shut Dizzi down in order to be able to work. She kept blocking all of his efforts, forcing them to become futile. Kenny had no possible explanation for Dizzi's odd behavior, but he thought that it may have something to do with her little outburst when he had first uncovered the fact that Kai was somewhere in London, England.  
  
He rubbed his eyes tiredly and glanced through the open doors of both Tyson's and Rei's rooms. Tyson was, as expected, deep in slumber, but Rei was just sitting on his bed and staring out the window. Kenny noticed the look of dejection on Rei's face and went to go check on him.  
  
"Hey. What's up?" The only response to Kenny's question was a short, deliberate,  
  
"Hn..."  
  
Kenny frowned, then tried for a humor approach.  
  
"Come on Rei. We're getting Kai back so you don't need to try and be him!"  
  
Rei refused to comment. At least ten minuets went by, when Kenny gave up and was about to return to his search when Rei's voice suddenly cut him off.  
  
"He used to always stare out of the window when it rained. He once said softly to himself, but I heard, 'It was raining when we first entered there...' who did he mean? And where were they that was so important?"  
  
Without another word, Rei crept back in bed and fell into a deep, but fitful, sleep. Kenny gazed at his friend and headed back to his laptop.  
  
When he got there, he just sat there for who knows how long, thinking about Rei's questions. The answers seemed pretty obvious. The Demolition Boys and when they first got to the Abbey. But was there more to it?  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Max & Johnny**  
  
"Hey Johnny?" Max asked softly, to which Johnny stopped drumming his fingers and gazed at the blonde, raising his eyebrows in response.  
  
"Who are the Demolition Boys?"  
  
Johnny froze and was shocked when he realized that Max was serious. He slowly answered, slightly unsure of what was going on,  
  
"Well, you know, they're Tala, Spencer, Ian and Bryan..."  
  
Max shook his head vehemently, before retorting, "No, I know WHO they are, but I want to know who THEY are. I mean, we know their names, but we have no idea who they are as people. Everyday, regular people."  
  
Johnny snorted, before replying, "Yeah right. You saw what they did at the World's. They're monsters!"  
  
Max stared at Johnny, before responding in a soft, calm voice, "Maybe not. They may have not had a choice. You know what went on there, what happened to those kids. What if we only know a little bit? What if there was more? What forced them to act like that? What could have happened to them?"  
  
Johnny froze. He had no idea. He was about to reply when Max turned away. Johnny got the message and began to think about what Max had just said. What could have happened to them?  
  
The scenarios that Johnny thought of were too horrible to mention. Sadly though, his musings were not even close to the horror the FIVE Demolition Boys had faced... They had all been subjected to pain beyond comprehension.  
  
Poor, poor Ian...  
  
Poor, poor, Spencer...  
  
Poor, poor, Bryan...  
  
Poor, poor, Tala...  
  
Poor, poor, Kai...  
  
They had never even stood a chance.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Kai**  
  
Kai yawned and stretched as he got up. His body felt slightly less tense than it had before his little nap.  
  
The fact he had even taken a nap surprised him. He normally slept for only two hours or so a night, never more.  
  
He glanced around the room, looking for Tala, when he recalled Tala calling out to him that he would be in the lobby. Kai sighed and ran a hand through his already unruly hair. He scowled slightly when he glanced in a mirror. His hair never stayed flat, but always went spiky. He spent another three seconds glaring at his reflection before he stopped caring. Unlike Tala, Kai couldn't give a rat's ass about his appearance.... Unless he was wearing a freaking suit of any kind... If it ever came to that, he'd probably commit suicide...  
  
(GOB: I didn't like Kai's school uniform in V Force... Didn't suit him... I bet he hated it.)  
  
He flopped onto the bed in Tala's room and unearthed his journal from between the mattresses. He knew the only place Tala would never think to search for Kai's journal was in his own room.  
  
He pulled out a pen and wrote, as the minutes ticked by, and the rain pounded the window, Kai just concentrated on the little scritch scratch of his pen against the paper.  
  
For once, he was completely off guard.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Kai's Journal Entry**  
  
It feels nice to be able to relax once in a while. To be just completely off guard, no worries, no problems. But then, you start to think. You become completely on guard, but lost in your own thoughts.  
  
My thoughts seem to be drifting more and more towards my fears. Everyone fears something. Even a cold hearted, arrogant, bastard.  
  
Only, sometimes, I'm not exactly sure what it is that I fear...  
  
It would be easy to say that I fear Boris, that I fear the abbey and that I fear my Grandfather, Voltaire. A part of me agrees that that is what I fear, but then another, hidden, part of me disagrees, without a reason.  
  
Actually, there is a reason. For the most part of my life, I was taught that fear was for the weak. I was punished immensely every second I spent showing any type of fear; physical or physiological.  
  
Throughout that time, I believe that I grew to fear nothing, nothing but fear. I hated fearing anything; I couldn't fear anything. My quest to diminish any fear in my soul only destroyed all small fears and created one enormous fear. I was terrified to fear anything.  
  
A part of me is still like that. But a part of me, which has never changed, is the fear for my friends.  
  
I can still recall the numerous threats Boris used to get me to comply to his and my Grandfather's wishes. Most of them were threats that poised danger towards the Demolition Boys. I hated seeing them in any pain. A little fact that the Abbey new and abused.  
  
I hated letting them get the best of me. I hated my Grandfather, Boris and the Abbey. It was always hate, not fear. After all, how can you fear something or someone you pity, find pitiful? For I do pity my Grandfather and Boris.  
  
They have so much power, they are feared by many, yet they have no ones respect or care. I sometimes wonder what their lives must have been like, to cause them to be how they are now. After all, you live what you learn.  
  
A part of me will always be eternally grateful to Tala, Spencer, Bryan and Ian. For if it was not for them, I'm afraid I would have turned out just like, if not worse, than my Grandfather and Boris combined.  
  
I started out thinking that I only had one fear. But I think I'm becoming more human. I just discovered that I have many fears. And all of them valid.  
  
_Fear is a very funny thing,  
  
It can make you forget how to laugh, to sing,  
  
It can make you howl, wail and scream,  
  
And then it's over, it was just a dream._

> > _Some fear the dark and lonely night,  
  
Where our savior is the blessed light,  
  
It keeps your mind at rest, the fear at bay,  
  
But it's best to wait, to wait for day._

_Others fear the boom of thunder,  
  
It makes them panic, makes them blunder,  
  
Or the flash of lightning, filling the dark sky,  
  
With raindrop tears and shrieking cries._

> > _ Some fear what they cannot touch or see,  
  
When everything must be nice ad lovely,  
  
They cannot stand the changes of life,  
  
The pain of fear, the pain of strife._

_But some dread the fear of fear itself,  
  
They go out of their way to fight it, to prove oneself,  
  
While the rest, the wisest, get on with living,  
  
And to the others who spend their life fearing the fear,  
  
Life shall always be unforgiving.  
_  
And I'm glad I have fears. They help make me who I am.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Kai**  
  
Kai set down his pen and journal and gazed out the window, smiling. He was beginning to find out who he really was. And so far, he didn't think he was that horrible.  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
**Owari**  
  
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
  
GOB: Well? 18 pages... I need reviews! AND SO DOES DANGEROUS MEMORIES!!! Lol. I'll catch all you peoples later! BAIBAI!!!!!! Oh, and quick edit hates me. it doesn't like my bolding efforts, italic efforts, underline efforts or symbols!!! DIE QUICK EDIT!!!!! 


	13. Withdrawn

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GOB: After years of waiting, I have updated!

Kai: Like anyone is still reading any of your work! You updated Dangerous Memories months ago… Depth months ago… No one cares…

GOB: _wahh…_ Kai ish mean… cute, but mean…

Tala: Get on with the thanks to reviewers.

GOB: Fine, oh but first, the blasted disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: GOB does not own Beyblade or its characters, in fact, she doesn't want to, because if she did, she wouldn't e able to write fanfics for it.

GOB: Thanks to reviewers!

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**MasterFranny:** Ok! I think I'll probably put in Ian's P.O.V. in this chapter, and Bryan in the next. Lol, adding Johnny was a good idea? Yay! I wanted to show how just because those two are bitter rivals, doesn't mean that they don't respect one another, at least not completely! Sorry about not updating sooner. Just keep reviewing and e-mailing me reminding me to! You're one of my most loyal readers and I don't want to lose you!

**Kai-lovr:** I've always believed that everyone wears a mask, so it's only the type of mask you define him or her by. But, I did make him like that because it fit the story and after Kai, then Tala, Max is my favorite character! I'm not a big fan of Hitoshi or Brooklyn, contrary to popular belief… They are just Kai wannabees… Kai ish god… All there is to it! Oh, and sorry bout the late update! I'm apologizing to all my reviewers personally!

**RedLefty:** REDHEADED BISHIES TO DA RESCUE! Lol. I wanted to make sure the Bladebreakers got a bit more miserable with the loss of Kai, and show how even though their lives stank, Kai and the other D Boyz still enjoyed themselves because they had each other! I am so sorry about the wait, so this chapter will hopefully make up for it!

**Scars of the phoenix:** Thank you for caring, and I'm glad that you understand. On a lighter note, thanks for your review! I hope this latest chapter will make up for my tardiness.

**demon's-gurl:** Things out of nowhere, I can relate. That's where this story came from, I don't even plan anything, and everything is written on spot! I hope you're not to mad about the lateness, but I am still writing!

**tabbycat411:** Yay! You think my story's awesome? Cool! I'm sorry it's been a long time since I updated, but please bear with me! I'm doing the best I can!

**kazeilla:** Poor picture, hope it'll be done soon! I'm so glad you liked it, heck, I'm always glad when people like my work. Lol, a lot of people liked my adding Johnny, I'm surprised! Why does everyone seem to like that decision? I hope you'll still speak to me, even though I'm ages late!

**The wolf hybrid fox:** It's above and… _screams in terror_ BARBIE'S AND BARNEY? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THE LATENESS AND CALL THEM OFF! MERCY!

**Thorns-and-Wind:** Ohhh. Now, I've got an idea for a new fic! Keep your eyes peeled! I'll write a Kenny one-shot and dedicate it to you if you'd like! Tell me! And sorry for the belated chapter!

**Shakon:** Awww… you're so sweet! I hope this chapter meets your approval, even if it is very late… GLOMPS

**Hiwatari-gurl:** That's ok, I'm late to! PLEASE BE OKAY! ALL THOSE HURRICANES! I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! DAMN IT… SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOUR NUMBER! PLEASE BE OKAY!

**phoenix the 1st:** Yay, you're back! Sucks about your computer… I hate it when I have to do that! I hope you like this chapter and that you won't kill me for being so late! And if you're scared of forgetting your fics, just put the authors on your alerts like I do!

**False-image:** I'm so glad you understood the meaning of the chapter! I thought no one would get it! Thank you! And I hope like the other you won't kill me for being so late…. I hope.

**Julie:** IT'S THANKS TO YOU I WROTE THIS CHAPTER, AFTER COUNTLESS AGES YOU REMINDED ME! THANK YOU! But I am curious as to where you found my fic, as it hasn't been updated in ages and you reviewed this week.

**RiseFromTheAshes:** ANOTHER PERSON WHO REMINDED ME OF THIS FIC! THANK YOU! Lol, I am so sorry about the super long wait! Just keep reminding me!

**Dark-Mage-Quisits:** Sorry about the super long wait. I know it was horrible of me and I hope this angst-ridden chapter makes up for it.

**Lychee-Fairy:** MY JADIE ISH BACK! Sorry if I haven't updated in ages. Got life to deal with… Hope this chap makes up for it and hope to talk to you as soon as possible! LURVE YA!

**Kai Hiwatari1:** Wow! Thanks! I love your fics, but being the lazy child I am, I never sign in for reviews! Sorry about the long wait!

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GOB: On with the fic! I'm planning on starting off with a bang, so without further ado, here's Ian's P.O.V. Note, I don't really know his personality because he doesn't talk much, but not in the way Kai doesn't. So please bear with me.

Kai/Tala: Joy…

GOB: WAIT! Here's my favorite quote from the last chapter, "Why was it he could never keep anything but his beyblade, clothes and hair in good condition?"

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**Ian's P.O.V.**

About time those baka's called… honestly, what is so hard about picking up the phone and calling up your dear old worried sick friends you've forgotten all about and gone gallivanting around the country without?

Then again… It's probably a good idea they didn't; otherwise Bryan would have finished tracing their calls a long time ago and hunted them down. Heh that would be fun to watch, just got to make sure I'm not seen…

I have to admit, it's really boring here without Tala. I remember the good ol' days when Kai was still here.

Things just seemed to fall apart when he left. We all took it hard, Tala especially. Kai was always the strongest one of us, no matter how weak he thinks he is.

He always thought of himself as weak.

It never made sense to me or anyone else, but it's true. Kai has always thought that he was weak. It really confuses me, because I think Kai is probably the strongest person in the world. To deal with his life, he has to be. But he always disagreed, always brushing away our questions. And we always let it slide. The truth is, we didn't want to think of Kai as anything but strong. After all, his strength is what got us all through the tortures of the abbey.

He never once let Boris or Voltaire get to him! Boris hated Kai for that. He never let a chance to torture Kai slide by. Voltaire, I will never understand why Kai still refers to that bastard as his grandfather. That old prick doesn't deserve it. All he's done since the day Kai was born was destroy Kai's life. He should rot in the deepest part of hell.

I remember the only time Kai ever told us why he thought of himself as weak, something no other person in the world would ever say, if they had half a maggots brain.

He was in one of those trance-like states he sometimes went in. He would be staring straight ahead, but looking at nothing. It scared me, because he seemed more dead than alive. It was as if he wasn't the Kai we knew anymore.

He started off softly, getting quieter and quieter until all we could see was his mouth moving, moving without any sound. It was as if a dark shroud suddenly cut him off from us. It was so long ago, and I've forgotten most of what he said. Probably because I wanted to forget.

When someone as strong as Kai suddenly breaks like that, even for a few moments, it scares you. Kai was always the person we could count on when things got tough, tougher than usual, and we were on the verge of breaking.

It really hurts to see someone as strong as Kai breaking. The worst part is, all I can do is offer support.

I can't do anything else…

I'm not strong enough.

GOB: I know this is incredibly late this chapter is but recently we found out me mom had cancer. I will keep trying to update, but they may be taking a while. Please bear with me. This chapter will probably only be about 10-12 pages long. Oh, and DANGEROUS MEMORIES will be on a HIATUS until I FINISH all of Depth. There are only a few more chapters. Once, again, I apologize. The Bladebreakers 

Rei sighed deeply as the rain finally ended. He always hated when it rained, it always seemed as if the sky was crying, crying all the unshed tears of people who refused to let them fall from their eyes.

He let his gaze wander towards the locked door and felt a flicker of worry pass through him. Max had left before the rain had begun and that had been over an hour ago. There was still no sign of the blue-eyed blader.

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**Rei's P.O.V.**

I'm really starting to get worried. Not only was it just raining, but it's already pretty dark out, yet no sign of Max anywhere. He never leaves without telling us where he's going and when he's coming back. This is completely unlike him. It's more like Kai than anyone. Disappearing without a word and returning without letting anyone know.

But he was always there.

I never told anyone, but I saw Kai standing hidden among the trees and their shadows during Tyson's battle against Oliver. It really confused me as to why he'd prefer just standing there and watching without our knowing rather than come and help us cheer Tyson on.

And when we were talking to Max during the American Tournament about how much he wanted to be the one blading against Michael, who knows how long Kai had been standing there before he had spoken up.

It's sort of unreal how easily he can appear and disappear, how fast and silently he goes about. It would be a really great trick for most people. Unluckily, Kai probably learned how to move like that in the abbey. The Abbey seemed to me like the kind of place that would be featured as a haunted house or something to attract tourists.

Kai grew up in a place like that. I'm not sure if he's ever had an actual warm, loving home. I highly doubt it though.

I can remember all sorts of happy, careless days in my village back when I was just a little kid. We were all so carefree and spent our days playing games and goofing around. Sure we had chores, but we still managed to have fun. None of us could of ever thought of a life where we had to get up early, train hard all day, then go to sleep early. That was basically the life of someone in Balkov Abbey, but that's not including the beatings and torture you were put through if you didn't live up to their ridiculously high expectations.

I don't think anyone could blame Kai for his cold attitude if they had gone through the same experiences. We all live what we learn, or at least most of us. Kai was taught to be cruel, unmerciful, uncaring, and to win at all costs, even if it meant cheating. Kai wouldn't cheat even if it meant he would be forfeiting his life. He would never let go of what he believed in. What those beliefs are, I don't think I will ever find out, but I know Kai won't lose himself to the intentions of others. He's stronger than that; he's better than that. He always is.

Kai made it through all of the shit in the abbey. He never gave up and continued to fight, which it what we all have to do. I think it may be time that we got off of our lazy asses, forget about just waiting for Kai to show up on Kenny's computer, and do some good old-fashioned legwork. After all, Kai never took the easy road, so why should we? Besides, all those laps he's made us run have gotten us in perfect shape to search the streets. To find Max, and yes, to find Kai.

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**The Bladebreakers**

Rei got up and made his way to the bedrooms and towards the sounds of Tyson's snoring, but not before glancing out the window. And to his surprise, it was beginning to stop raining.

There was also a brilliant rainbow to the South…

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**GOB: For those of you who don't know, Dranzer is he bitbeast for the South. Dragoon is East, Drigger is West, and Draceil is North. Just so you know!**

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**Kai-Kun And Tala-Kun**

Tala scowled deeply as he trudged his way back up to his room. He had been lectured by the hotel manager for turning on the lights in the cafeteria. And believe you me; he was NOT happy about it. You could say he was quite revolted.

He sighed as he entered his room and was surprised to see Kai lying on his bed. His pretty, snowflake covered bed! And… he was asleep?

He. Was. Asleep…

Oh, this was going to be GOOD!

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**Tala's P.O.V.**

Oh yeah, Kai's going to hate this.

I continued to smirk as I filled up a tall glass with water. I can't wait to see his face…

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**Sleeping Kai And The Evil-Minded Tala**

Tala carefully moved towards Kai and his smirk grew more evil by the second. He was about to be close enough to pour it over the sleeping bluenette when the phone suddenly rang, shocking him and causing his to spill the water… all over himself.

"You know, normally people take showers in the bathroom without their clothes on, but hey, to each their own."

Tala glowered at the smirking teen and muttered,

"Oh go suck a pickle."

Kai just chuckled softly and answered the phone. It turned out it was the airline. Kai had booked them two tickets to Australia and their flight was leaving the day after next.

Kai told Tala about the flight, and then went for a walk. Of course, he helped Tala clean up the spilt water first. That tissue would pick up a good thimble full of water. Wasn't he nice?

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**Kai-Kun**

Kai lazily walked across the road, not really knowing where he was going. It didn't really matter much though. He loved the way the world was after a hard rain. He made his way to a bench that was dry as it was under a very bushy tree and began to write in his journal.

There had been another call, this one on Kai's cell. It had been a message from his grandfather in prison. He was begging, actually begging, for Kai to bail him out, or get his under a lesser sentence. Kai's eyes darkened at the thought. His grandfather honestly thought that Kai would help him? The only thing Kai would help him with was his death. The old man deserved to die, for all the pain he had caused.

It was time to get even.

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**GOB: Got tires of Kai's journal always ending the chapter…**

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**Kai's Journal Entry**

I cannot believe that he, my grandfather, my only living relative, the bane of my existence and a true monster, is begging, _begging_, for my help. He must be crazy if he thinks I am going to help him.

After all he deserves all he gets. I hate him; I hate him with every speck of blood that runs through my veins. It's the same blood that is running down his face after he gets in a jail fight, and no one fears him. He is completely at their mercy.

I can't help smiling at the thought.

_Now We're Even_

_I hear your screams pierce the dark night_

_And I can't help but smile at your pains_

_I hear you begging for me to spare you_

_And I feel the hate coursing through my veins._

_You beg for mercy and say it hurts too much_

_But it'll never compare to what you've done_

_You killed the person I used to be before_

_But you don't realize that it's just begun._

_The anguish you feel won't end anytime soon_

_Not if I can continue to hurt you more_

_The ways are endless and at my fingertips_

_Not ever will I decide to end this war._

_Power has so quickly passed from you to me_

_There's nothing you can do to change it now_

_Power consumes me as I watch your suffering_

_There's so much more to come, just ask me how._

_No one will recognize who I am after this_

_Your pain is enough consolation for me though_

_No one will remember who I was before today, at least_

_Your pain is the same now as mine was not long ago._

_This is the end for you and what's left of me_

_At least I did what I have wanted to do_

_This is the end of all the pain that's been me_

_At least there's no more of me and no more of you._

But…

Sometimes, usually during the darkest time of night, I start to feel guilty. Cold, heart-wrenching guilty.

I don't want to turn out like my Grandfather, but by getting revenge against him, I'll be more like him than ever before.

Because…

As much as I hate to admit it…

_I am like him._

In more ways than you could possibly count.

In some ways, I am he, and he is me.

So getting revenge against him would mean getting revenge against myself, wouldn't it?

So, all I can do is move on with my life, the way I want to live it, and without letting my Grandfather ruin it.

Besides, I've never been one for self-mutilation.

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Kai put down the pen he was using and glanced at the words, his face impassive as ever.

His hand suddenly swept across the page smudging a single line, as if he were trying to erase it, from the page and from his life. It may not have been completely gone, but hey, it was a start.

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**Max**

Max stood up, the rain had stopped and he was feeling a lot better after his talk with Johnny. Johnny had agreed to meet the Bladebreakers at their hotel and help them figure out the best way to find Kai.

Max was surprised that Johnny was so insistent on helping. He and Kai didn't have the greatest relationship. In all honesty, Max didn't really care; all he wanted was his captain back. He, along with the rest if the Bladebreakers needed Kai.

It wasn't like the other times he left (_includes how he always disappears in pretty much every episode and every few pages of the manga_) when it would just rev them up and got them to practice twice as hard as before. Just to prove to him that they were good enough to blade alongside him. They had often had conversations after Kai had done his daily disappearance wondering what it would be like to have a two on two battle with Kai as their partner. It was an interesting concept, but a highly unlikely one.

As Max ran, sending up sprays of puddle water, he let his mind drift. Quite frankly, he was tired of thinking. He just wanted things to go back to the way he liked them. What with Kai's disappearance, the crumbling of the Bladebreakers' spirits and the upcoming tournament, he was wearing himself out.

He hated to think of how Kai was feeling now…

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**The Baka-Bladers! **_(GOB: Had to add a bit of levity…)_

The remaining Bladebreakers were moping about. Rei sulked in front of the window; Kenny brooded over Dizzy's keyboard and Tyson rotted on his bed, staring at the plain, unadorned ceiling.

A loud crash interrupted Kenny and Rei, but Tyson ignored it. Even as a he heard Max's breathless voice and moments later, another strange, yet somehow familiar, voice joined in. He still lay on his bed, not budging.

Tyson closed his eyes and sighed.

Life had gotten more complicated by the second.

He missed his old life.

He missed being naive and careless.

But most of all…

He missed having Kai around to stop him from being naive, from being careless.

His new life had now become his old life. And he was missing ever second of it.

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**Tyson's P.O.V.**

It's quiet.

Too quiet…

I thought that it Kai had ever left; it would get noisier, not quieter.

Kai would've loved this; he always seemed to be where there was peace and quiet, unless he was in a beystadium. Actually, the stadium always seemed to get a bit quieter wherever he battled.

Maybe it was because you had to completely focus on the match, because with Kai, there wouldn't be much battle to watch. He was always quick and articulate with his beybattles. Usually taking out his opponents in mere seconds.

Or perhaps it was because they weren't sure to cheer him on or boo him off. Everyone knows that there is a fine line between good and bad, but with Kai, the line seemed about as thin as a football field. You could never quite understand if what he was doing was right, wrong, wrong in a right way or right in a wrong way. He seemed to be the epitome the line, sometimes swaying left, sometimes right, sometimes in a direction undefined.

But probably because, no matter whether or not you admired him, or hated his guts, you had to respect him. No matter what the situation, he could come up with an answer. Not always right away, but in time, he'd have all the answers. They say no one person knows everything. But with Kai, you just had to wonder.

I know I did.

In fact, I still **DO**!

Forget this, all this moping; sulking, brooding and rotting about never solved anything. If I want to find Kai, I have to get up and get out there. No more waiting. After all, it's not like Kai's going to just walk in and say, "Here I am!"

We have a better chance seeing him grin.

Scary thought…

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**The Baka-Bladers!**

Rei, Max, Kenny and Johnny jumped at the sound of Tyson bursting out of his room. It wasn't long before they had a plan set up.

They would split up into groups of two and start scouring the city for any information on Kai's whereabouts. The leftover person would stay at the hotel and collecting information from both groups while helping pass other information on to the other group.

It was decided that Max would stay. He seemed to be developing a cold from staying out in the rain. He really should've thought to bring a jacket.

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**Max's Journal Entry**

I'm so tired I can scarcely keep my eyes open, but I have to record what I found.

I was re-reading the torn paper that led to all of this madness, when I discovered something. There were indentations on the back of the paper. Like what you get when you write to hard on a sheet of paper. The paper underneath it gets indented.

Curious, I got a pencil and revealed what was indented on the paper.

It read, and this I completely quote;

"_Leading Light Hotel London, England Reservation for 2 rooms Reservation Name(s) Hiwatari and Valkov"_

It looks like things are finally looking up for us. Now to call the others…

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**Tala**

Tala groaned as he got up off of the floor, cleaning up all that water really sucked. He pulled out his journal and made a quick note.

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**Tala's Journal Entry **(_GOB: More like quick note_)

Note To Self: Show Kai how big a bitch payback can be…

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All right, done this chapter! Please review! And please, **TELL ME WHETHER YOU WANT A SAD OR HAPPY ENDING OR BOTH!**


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